i'm sick of being disobedient.
i was disobedient last spring.
i was disobedient in poznan.
it's not going to happen anymore.
some how, i convince myself that 'good' is acceptable, when He's offering the 'best'. it's right there, in the middle of His table, the offer prime. yet i shrink back, and limit myself and completely sell myself short.
i am regenerated.
so as He urges me to preach on campus, i would be a fool to deny the opportunity.
not to mention that i HAVE to do this, look at this verse:
"so you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'we are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.'" -luke 17:10
i am doulos.
i have to preach, i have to proclaim, i have to realize how temporal our ivory bones are. Holy Spirit whacked me over the head with this verse the other day, and it's been on the forefront of my mind ever since. He doesn't owe me one single thing, not a wife, children, a career or the next breath in my lungs, for I am eternally indebted to my Father for stepping in between His justice and His wrath for me. how amazing is that! i mean, here i am, this puny college kid who frequently fails to take his Father at His word, who choses the good things of this world, when i can eternally explore and worship the very One who stitched me together.
i am raggedy andy.
sew me up, all the more. rips and tears, stuffing gone and buttons not there, take me as i am.
i am covered in unapproachable light.
Tuesday, August 28
Sunday, August 5
moses
'way of the master' has been the book of choice as of late, and it has been opening my eyes to the importance of the Law in evangelism. it expounds upon the pitfalls of using the 'wonderful Jesus' promise of happiness and peace as a means to bring people to the Cross, as well as showing how to properly use the Law to bring around conviction of sin (1 Tim 1) thus providing tilled soil for the glorious seed of the Gospel to grab deep roots.
the Spirit has been nudging me, quite strongly, to keep talking to my coworkers and my dad about the Law and the coming wrath, which seems so 'hellfire & brimstone'-ish, yet so deeply rooted in the Scriptures. tonight, my dad and i finally talked about this subject, and from the get-go, it all seemed to go downhill. he has quite a bit of knowledge of the core doctrine of Salvation, so it was incredibly hard to bring up certain points that needed to be discussed. it was very clear in my conscience not to come across as judgmental, but apparently he was perceiving something completely different. his temper, and my emotion, rose, so things got out of hand after a while. i love my father so deeply that it becomes so difficult to communicate clearly from the tense throat and tears in my eyes, and when that happens, i become even MORE frustrated and emotional. i don't feel that i'm all that emotional of a person, maybe this is not true, but whatever i am, it got the best of me. things started to spiral out of control and the conversation turned to a recent event that happened earlier, unrelated.
this is so ridiculous and enraging, that i can not even communicate clearly, with confidence, what i need to. granted, it's not my job to save him, i don't even have that kind of power, but it is so frustrating seeing him live his life completely deceived by what he thinks is true. i just don't know if i can talk to him anymore about it, seems that i have scarred him with my judgments. i don't feel as if i am an overly judgmental person, but just like the Scriptures say, every man will proclaim his own goodness. i know that He uses all things to work together for His good, which seems so cliche sometimes in Christianity, but it still doesn't make it any less frustrating that i come across as a complete fundamentalist engulfed in flames with gavel in hand. that is not who i am nor supposed to be!!!!
Lord, please take this heart of frustration, judgment, anger, and emotionalism for your own will, molding to the likeness of your perfect, beautiful Son who stood between your Creation and your wrath, that we may live our lives in holiness with gratitude for all that you have done in fixing our debilitating problem. i don't want to be overly fanatic or intimidatingly zealous that i drive people away with a sour taste in their mouths. this revolution of love will not go quietly into the night, but be proclaimed from the rooftops so that all may at least acquire the knowledge of your coming wrath, and the cure for this cancer. if i am wrong, please discipline me in your loving kindness, for i am just a man blinded by selfish desires and scorching arrows of doubt. i'm sick of christian cliches and traditions, i want more of your perfect heart in this cold chest of mine. i need you to be close, to be here, to be there in his bedroom, pulling and pricking his heart, that my dad may realize all that you have in store for him. please take everything, every day, that this living sacrifice may not wiggle of the altar. amen and good night.
the Spirit has been nudging me, quite strongly, to keep talking to my coworkers and my dad about the Law and the coming wrath, which seems so 'hellfire & brimstone'-ish, yet so deeply rooted in the Scriptures. tonight, my dad and i finally talked about this subject, and from the get-go, it all seemed to go downhill. he has quite a bit of knowledge of the core doctrine of Salvation, so it was incredibly hard to bring up certain points that needed to be discussed. it was very clear in my conscience not to come across as judgmental, but apparently he was perceiving something completely different. his temper, and my emotion, rose, so things got out of hand after a while. i love my father so deeply that it becomes so difficult to communicate clearly from the tense throat and tears in my eyes, and when that happens, i become even MORE frustrated and emotional. i don't feel that i'm all that emotional of a person, maybe this is not true, but whatever i am, it got the best of me. things started to spiral out of control and the conversation turned to a recent event that happened earlier, unrelated.
this is so ridiculous and enraging, that i can not even communicate clearly, with confidence, what i need to. granted, it's not my job to save him, i don't even have that kind of power, but it is so frustrating seeing him live his life completely deceived by what he thinks is true. i just don't know if i can talk to him anymore about it, seems that i have scarred him with my judgments. i don't feel as if i am an overly judgmental person, but just like the Scriptures say, every man will proclaim his own goodness. i know that He uses all things to work together for His good, which seems so cliche sometimes in Christianity, but it still doesn't make it any less frustrating that i come across as a complete fundamentalist engulfed in flames with gavel in hand. that is not who i am nor supposed to be!!!!
Lord, please take this heart of frustration, judgment, anger, and emotionalism for your own will, molding to the likeness of your perfect, beautiful Son who stood between your Creation and your wrath, that we may live our lives in holiness with gratitude for all that you have done in fixing our debilitating problem. i don't want to be overly fanatic or intimidatingly zealous that i drive people away with a sour taste in their mouths. this revolution of love will not go quietly into the night, but be proclaimed from the rooftops so that all may at least acquire the knowledge of your coming wrath, and the cure for this cancer. if i am wrong, please discipline me in your loving kindness, for i am just a man blinded by selfish desires and scorching arrows of doubt. i'm sick of christian cliches and traditions, i want more of your perfect heart in this cold chest of mine. i need you to be close, to be here, to be there in his bedroom, pulling and pricking his heart, that my dad may realize all that you have in store for him. please take everything, every day, that this living sacrifice may not wiggle of the altar. amen and good night.
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