Well, today was really our second day there, but that is because we found no action at University of Minnesota Crookston (school of 1600!), so we headed back to UND without a permit. So our fall tour officially began...
It only took five to six minutes of preaching for the GLBTQ group to show up with three rainbow flags, making a silent protest right in between Tom and the building crowd. This only served to play into our hand more as a hot-headed liberal student began to scream at Tom about how he's spewing hatred, discrimination and judgment against the "gay agenda." Keep in mind, during those five to six minutes of preaching, Tom never, NOT ONCE, brought up the issue or made it a point to even mention homosexuality. They came out looking for a fight, in which Tom engaged appropriately and respectfully as always, never flippantly throwing out outlandish statements about their lifestyle. As the debate developed, it always amuses me how people stand in Tom's face, scream til their veins surge about how he's always yelling at people, never letting them finish their statements and being so judgmental. They continually fail to see how well they exhibit those accusations in their own actions. Well, maybe "amuse" isn't the right word, it breaks my heart. People are so incredibly held captive of their sin, they can't see around it, over it, under it or through it, they are completely blind. One kid was jumping around like a four-year-old, screaming some completely unintellectual banter about Lord knows what. My heart reacted in ways that I had forgotten. I'm not as compassionate as I once thought.
In the first half of the afternoon, I found myself becoming very angry and frustrated at the lost out there arguing. That's not good. It kept getting worse and worse as I saw their blindness, their degraded and defiled consciences, their sly remarks and "witty" comments, or so they thought as they look to their friends for approval and laughter. At one point I had to walk away to pray and think, so I went to where any man would, the restroom. I sat in there a bit, attempting to analyze my frustration, discern if the anger is towards them or their sin and have a good ol time on the porcelain throne. I found that my anger and emotions had abated as I walked back to the debate, which brought some degree of elation. I'm still processing that anger.
I was able to share the Gospel with a religion t.a., Adam, who was incredibly prideful and arrogant, I've never heard such blasphemous statements before. For someone to respond to the "what would you say to get into heaven?" question with "I would ask God for my forgiveness, for dictating us and demanding perfection the way He does, He neeeds my forgiveness" takes an incredible amount of selfishness and arrogance. When we had to wrap up our conversation, I was going to ask him if that's his decision and if he wanted to pray with me and tell God that himself, but Adam jetted too fast. It's one thing for people to say, "yeah, I know the truth, but I'm going to completely ignore Him and continue to blow Him off" to me, but it's a whole other issue to say that to God directly. I'm going to use that a lot more, Tom told us that some people aren't bold enough to do it and actually come to repentance!
There's so much to write, so much I'm already discovering in our first trip about my own heart and my own desires, but I'll save that for my Moleskine. I love you all and miss you, but I got to tell you, it's pretty dang exciting being out here as well! I'll be occasionally throwing up pics on twitpic and facebook, the mid-west is a completely different world!
Thursday, September 4
Tuesday, May 27
"that sounds cliche" sounds so cliche...
the facebook mini feed is a good thing, there are a few people on there whose blog posts i constantly enjoy. rachel is one of them, this chick loves jesus like woah, her posts are simplistic and beautiful. we are also in the same boat, for the most part, trying to figure out what to do with our lives after graduation. in her last post, she gave some food for thought:
-------------------
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." -Psalm 139:13-16
Most of you know those verses pretty well...as do I...so...why do we find it so hard to make those verses alive in our hearts?
-------------------
that last part kinda got me. as i was reading those verses, the one thought in my head was, "ok, great, some of the most overused verses there are, so cliche rachel..." consequentially, that last statement struck me. i'm in this anti-christianity phase right now, a phase that actually i'm quite enjoying. by no means am i anti-Christ (oh gosh that sounds bad) but i am anti-christian culture. well, not "anti-" like i hate or despise it, but "anti-" like it humors in the way christians do certain things. for example, Reno 911! had an episode with this traveling revivalist, complete with a crimson polyester leisure suit and feathered hair that even i couldn't attain, he was in the prison with three choir members, trying to save people (in his power) and cast out demons of the inmates. it was so over the top, i had no other response but pure laughter. it's these kinds of things that i thoroughly enjoy, it's not Christ that is the basis of the jokes, but the ridiculous things His followers do at times that humor me. this is somewhat of a tangent...
anyways, i feel that in the christian culture, there are these verses that we use all the time, and quite honestly, to me, they become so cliche and sucked out of their power. not that the Scriptures are dry by any means, but just like rachel said, it becomes so hard to make these verses come alive in our hearts. some Scriptures for example:
James 1:2-8; Phillippians 1:6 and Matthew 6:25-34. despite this problem, which is a serious one, it has forced me to seek the Scriptures in a new light. i have been coming across these gems of Scripture, sections that have never been at the forefront of my mind ever, Scriptures that have gently redefined my perspective of Christ and His atoning work in my life, especially His propitiation and expiation. some Scriptures that have been sticking to my ribs lately have been:
"For all the promises of God find their Yes in Him. That is why it is through Him that we utter our Amen to God for His glory." -2 Corinthians 1:20
"Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
lest I be full and deny you
and say, "Who is the LORD?"
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God." -Proverbs 30:7-9
i really think Proverbs 30 is going to be my campsite for a bit, there were some other sections of that chapter which hit me hard. it's so incredible how you can dig and dig and never come to the bottom of the riches of Scripture. no man has ever exhausted the Scriptures, they are forever stated yet eternally malleable. so in conclusion, this problem of finding certain Scriptures cliche has been a blessing and a curse, i don't want to nullify the common or popular Scriptures of their power. but i do want to deviate from christianity, i want to find the gems and bring them to light for myself and my Brothers and Sisters, allowing greater intimacy and affinity for the work of the Cross.
-------------------
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." -Psalm 139:13-16
Most of you know those verses pretty well...as do I...so...why do we find it so hard to make those verses alive in our hearts?
-------------------
that last part kinda got me. as i was reading those verses, the one thought in my head was, "ok, great, some of the most overused verses there are, so cliche rachel..." consequentially, that last statement struck me. i'm in this anti-christianity phase right now, a phase that actually i'm quite enjoying. by no means am i anti-Christ (oh gosh that sounds bad) but i am anti-christian culture. well, not "anti-" like i hate or despise it, but "anti-" like it humors in the way christians do certain things. for example, Reno 911! had an episode with this traveling revivalist, complete with a crimson polyester leisure suit and feathered hair that even i couldn't attain, he was in the prison with three choir members, trying to save people (in his power) and cast out demons of the inmates. it was so over the top, i had no other response but pure laughter. it's these kinds of things that i thoroughly enjoy, it's not Christ that is the basis of the jokes, but the ridiculous things His followers do at times that humor me. this is somewhat of a tangent...
anyways, i feel that in the christian culture, there are these verses that we use all the time, and quite honestly, to me, they become so cliche and sucked out of their power. not that the Scriptures are dry by any means, but just like rachel said, it becomes so hard to make these verses come alive in our hearts. some Scriptures for example:
James 1:2-8; Phillippians 1:6 and Matthew 6:25-34. despite this problem, which is a serious one, it has forced me to seek the Scriptures in a new light. i have been coming across these gems of Scripture, sections that have never been at the forefront of my mind ever, Scriptures that have gently redefined my perspective of Christ and His atoning work in my life, especially His propitiation and expiation. some Scriptures that have been sticking to my ribs lately have been:
"For all the promises of God find their Yes in Him. That is why it is through Him that we utter our Amen to God for His glory." -2 Corinthians 1:20
"Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
lest I be full and deny you
and say, "Who is the LORD?"
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God." -Proverbs 30:7-9
i really think Proverbs 30 is going to be my campsite for a bit, there were some other sections of that chapter which hit me hard. it's so incredible how you can dig and dig and never come to the bottom of the riches of Scripture. no man has ever exhausted the Scriptures, they are forever stated yet eternally malleable. so in conclusion, this problem of finding certain Scriptures cliche has been a blessing and a curse, i don't want to nullify the common or popular Scriptures of their power. but i do want to deviate from christianity, i want to find the gems and bring them to light for myself and my Brothers and Sisters, allowing greater intimacy and affinity for the work of the Cross.
Friday, May 23
(a)foot in the fault.
"the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can know it?" -jeremiah 17:9
assuredness is a dirty thief. emotions serve nothing but chilled deception. my life is far too dictated by my heart, why must particles other than truth pass through this filter? truth is paramount.
truth precipitates into the very essence of His existence.
my own emotions seem to serve me absolutely no purpose, they lie to me, trick me into placing my faith into faultier surfaces than what's on His lips. i am fully responsible for this mistake, i take complete responsibility for this misappropriation.
my eyes are too blind.
my ears are too deaf.
my fingers are too numb.
this current vessel is far too incapable of experiencing the Eternal. i need a new body.
in light of You, my palms kiss the open air. i am left with nothing.
i shall bring You a mirror, i could never show You anything as perfect as You.
assuredness is a dirty thief. emotions serve nothing but chilled deception. my life is far too dictated by my heart, why must particles other than truth pass through this filter? truth is paramount.
truth precipitates into the very essence of His existence.
my own emotions seem to serve me absolutely no purpose, they lie to me, trick me into placing my faith into faultier surfaces than what's on His lips. i am fully responsible for this mistake, i take complete responsibility for this misappropriation.
my eyes are too blind.
my ears are too deaf.
my fingers are too numb.
this current vessel is far too incapable of experiencing the Eternal. i need a new body.
in light of You, my palms kiss the open air. i am left with nothing.
i shall bring You a mirror, i could never show You anything as perfect as You.
Monday, May 19
to be commissioned.
falling more in love with the pastors at mars hill, i listened to a teaching on our individual callings in this grand scheme of Kingdom work.
this is so not about me, my role in the Kingdom. of course, it does deal with me, but i feel that i am failing to see the picture from a much, much, much larger perspective. do i realized that we're dealing with eternity here? do i understand the breadth of that statement?
of course not.
one thing i never realized was that i am the product of someone else's calling, i am the fruit of His leading. how amazing is that? the Lord led certain people into my mother and my lives and here we are ten years later, soundly saved, full of Grace and Truth. now i have the privilege of discovering that fruit for myself, replicating the cycle over and over again. think about it, you (if you have repented and put faith in Christ) and i are direct descendants of Christ's evangelical effort, His blood flows right through the years to my heart, covering my sin. that surpasses any amount of eloquently scribed words.
so in this season of discerning and waiting for my "commissioning", as it were, not my "calling", a refocusing of my role and position in this Kingdom is required. whether my commissioning be to go with tom short and preach like nobody's business, or start my career with primerica or go to into the navy, i am very, very small in this play. i cannot disrupt His will, it is metaphysically impossible, which is one of the most liberating thoughts. my life has been laid before His throne of grace before the foundations of this world were ever laid, this illusion of choice provides nothing but unnecessary fear.
i am Controlled.
i am Safe.
this is so not about me, my role in the Kingdom. of course, it does deal with me, but i feel that i am failing to see the picture from a much, much, much larger perspective. do i realized that we're dealing with eternity here? do i understand the breadth of that statement?
of course not.
one thing i never realized was that i am the product of someone else's calling, i am the fruit of His leading. how amazing is that? the Lord led certain people into my mother and my lives and here we are ten years later, soundly saved, full of Grace and Truth. now i have the privilege of discovering that fruit for myself, replicating the cycle over and over again. think about it, you (if you have repented and put faith in Christ) and i are direct descendants of Christ's evangelical effort, His blood flows right through the years to my heart, covering my sin. that surpasses any amount of eloquently scribed words.
so in this season of discerning and waiting for my "commissioning", as it were, not my "calling", a refocusing of my role and position in this Kingdom is required. whether my commissioning be to go with tom short and preach like nobody's business, or start my career with primerica or go to into the navy, i am very, very small in this play. i cannot disrupt His will, it is metaphysically impossible, which is one of the most liberating thoughts. my life has been laid before His throne of grace before the foundations of this world were ever laid, this illusion of choice provides nothing but unnecessary fear.
i am Controlled.
i am Safe.
Tuesday, May 6
ten thousand heads of radio.
i failed to realize how excited i was until it had already started. five years in the making.
an enclave of white tubing, chromatically illuminated by lasers, surrounded the entire stage.
raging blocks of red, flowing seas filled the amphitheater to the brim through those ubiquitous poles. it was enveloping.
radiohead played their most quintessential songs: optimistic (hanson's just isn't the same...), street spirit, bulletproof, everything in it's right place, nation anthem...only the best.
He surprised me though, He showed up. not that He wasn't there, i just hadn't expected Him to show Himself in that forum. with the undulating timbre came this overwhelming sense of ethereal connectivity, that somehow i was brought to this oh-so-intimate place of praise through the most unassuming of mediums. christian and i discussed this lightly on the trip up to west palm, how the Creator is discovered through the creativity endowed to man, proclaiming His truth through beauty and elegance. He became so clear through the band's tones, the sheer levels of texture, vivacity, depth: the kind of depth which longs for metaphysical interactions with the notes themselves. all of this culminated into one unorthodox venue to perceive one's Holy One; how He majestically appears according to His own Metronome.
an enclave of white tubing, chromatically illuminated by lasers, surrounded the entire stage.
raging blocks of red, flowing seas filled the amphitheater to the brim through those ubiquitous poles. it was enveloping.
radiohead played their most quintessential songs: optimistic (hanson's just isn't the same...), street spirit, bulletproof, everything in it's right place, nation anthem...only the best.
He surprised me though, He showed up. not that He wasn't there, i just hadn't expected Him to show Himself in that forum. with the undulating timbre came this overwhelming sense of ethereal connectivity, that somehow i was brought to this oh-so-intimate place of praise through the most unassuming of mediums. christian and i discussed this lightly on the trip up to west palm, how the Creator is discovered through the creativity endowed to man, proclaiming His truth through beauty and elegance. He became so clear through the band's tones, the sheer levels of texture, vivacity, depth: the kind of depth which longs for metaphysical interactions with the notes themselves. all of this culminated into one unorthodox venue to perceive one's Holy One; how He majestically appears according to His own Metronome.
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