things have changed. i have a girlfriend. i can't believe it.
it's hard. it's stretching. it's so good.
i've never needed the Lord more than in these past four weeks, seeing my own depravity is such a beautiful thing, for He is always closer than once thought. He's nudging, pushing, yearning for me to come into the deeper parts.
my response is necessitated in a Genesis 22 fashion. this is good. He is good.
regardless of my investment, my maturity (whatever miniscule level it has become), or my systems, the festival of horns is not guaranteed.
Saturday, April 26
Tuesday, April 1
solitary
it's 0127 and i'm sitting outside of library west looking out across the plaza.
not a soul anywhere...
no cars.
no krishnas.
no slackliners.
no buses.
no sorority girls.
no noise, sans sprinklers.
no motion.
i could get used to this.
wait, a guy literally just walked up, pulled out a flashlight and started rummaging through the recycling bin. now he's going through the trash can. he doesn't look homeless, maybe he's collecting bottle caps or something. random.
i take this stillness, this slow-motion film, for granted far too often. a systematic life, confined by calendars and one-hour blocks of time, has decayed the perceptions of a moment without momentum.
the serpentine puddle of water creeps ominously near.
what is the root of this yielding of time, this allowance of unredeemable moments for something so far inferior to what could be grasped? where does the seed sprout from? to overlook the miraculous reproduction of cells right before our very eyes, even in this scenery of stillness, what a tragedy.
how easily i could conform my perceptions of my Deity into this finite aperture, allowing only a truncated stance based upon the monotony of this american life. yet there is so much to be held, to be felt, to be assimilated within my own fallible heart, a heart of gross misconceptions concerning the metaphysical Truth.
i desire this to be played in slow motion, this american life, as how the sheets of rain waltz across the march skies, how the curtains of Grace billow in His laughter.
i need a slow motion heart.
not a soul anywhere...
no cars.
no krishnas.
no slackliners.
no buses.
no sorority girls.
no noise, sans sprinklers.
no motion.
i could get used to this.
wait, a guy literally just walked up, pulled out a flashlight and started rummaging through the recycling bin. now he's going through the trash can. he doesn't look homeless, maybe he's collecting bottle caps or something. random.
i take this stillness, this slow-motion film, for granted far too often. a systematic life, confined by calendars and one-hour blocks of time, has decayed the perceptions of a moment without momentum.
the serpentine puddle of water creeps ominously near.
what is the root of this yielding of time, this allowance of unredeemable moments for something so far inferior to what could be grasped? where does the seed sprout from? to overlook the miraculous reproduction of cells right before our very eyes, even in this scenery of stillness, what a tragedy.
how easily i could conform my perceptions of my Deity into this finite aperture, allowing only a truncated stance based upon the monotony of this american life. yet there is so much to be held, to be felt, to be assimilated within my own fallible heart, a heart of gross misconceptions concerning the metaphysical Truth.
i desire this to be played in slow motion, this american life, as how the sheets of rain waltz across the march skies, how the curtains of Grace billow in His laughter.
i need a slow motion heart.
Tuesday, March 4
a piece for fyc 4212...
a piece that i wrote for my contemporary youth problems course...
---
How do I describe myself? I could describe myself by what I do, but still, that’s not too terribly accurate, is it? My identity, at its most fundamentally communicable form, is my character. It is the element within me which defines my actions and interactions with others around me. I believe that one of the deepest aspects of character that I hold on to is truth and from that, honesty. Truth is knowable, it is not some abstract, relativistic concept varying for each person, but rather we can know what right and wrong is and more importantly, the source of truth. Honesty, the outward assimilation of truth, is so crucial to our civilization that without it we wouldn’t have government, science or social order. These two are probably vastly more important than I even realize.
I’m just like most other people, I enjoy lacrosse, cycling and appreciate really good food, I mean really good. I love to sleep, but not more than eight hours and I can’t stand watching TV cause all of the sensory inputs make me go crazy. Stephen Colbert makes me seriously consider the seriously detrimental seriousness in our society, while Barack Obama gives me some kind of urge to put hope back into this country’s politics. I’m no more American than the next guy, everyone can’t believe that my mum is from England. I’m an Apple guy to the core, PC’s remind me too much of 1984. Yet, in all these things, these are not who I am. Even with my parents divorcing in 2003, probably one of the most monumental turning points in my life, this does not define me as a person. I’m much more than that, we all are. Yet too often, the perception of ourselves becomes so myopic that all that is left is a conclusion from the calendars and PDA’s which direct our lives. We were destined for so much more, but we lost that so long ago thanks to that one piece of fruit.
---
How do I describe myself? I could describe myself by what I do, but still, that’s not too terribly accurate, is it? My identity, at its most fundamentally communicable form, is my character. It is the element within me which defines my actions and interactions with others around me. I believe that one of the deepest aspects of character that I hold on to is truth and from that, honesty. Truth is knowable, it is not some abstract, relativistic concept varying for each person, but rather we can know what right and wrong is and more importantly, the source of truth. Honesty, the outward assimilation of truth, is so crucial to our civilization that without it we wouldn’t have government, science or social order. These two are probably vastly more important than I even realize.
I’m just like most other people, I enjoy lacrosse, cycling and appreciate really good food, I mean really good. I love to sleep, but not more than eight hours and I can’t stand watching TV cause all of the sensory inputs make me go crazy. Stephen Colbert makes me seriously consider the seriously detrimental seriousness in our society, while Barack Obama gives me some kind of urge to put hope back into this country’s politics. I’m no more American than the next guy, everyone can’t believe that my mum is from England. I’m an Apple guy to the core, PC’s remind me too much of 1984. Yet, in all these things, these are not who I am. Even with my parents divorcing in 2003, probably one of the most monumental turning points in my life, this does not define me as a person. I’m much more than that, we all are. Yet too often, the perception of ourselves becomes so myopic that all that is left is a conclusion from the calendars and PDA’s which direct our lives. We were destined for so much more, but we lost that so long ago thanks to that one piece of fruit.
Monday, March 3
antiquity
waiting for my sheets to dry at one a.m., i write.
it came to me recently that there are facets of the Way that i am bypassing, or removed from at least, through the course of my life. the hymnist continually discourses on the peace of Christ, a concept that, for some reason, has been failing to be grasped within my mind. this idea of Christ being the all encompassing provision of tranquility never seemed to resonate with me completely, perhaps i was out of the rhythm of the Spirit. it just seemed that i couldn't secure for myself a morsel which was laid right before me.
oh, but how this rapidly changes once we more completely grasp the regenerative work of the Cross. i can't believe that it slipped past me, but how meager my perception of the destination of my faith. o the purest of joy to see my marred name in the Lamb's Book! to see the power of His might restore this most broken of vases, to glory in the fact that He hath chosen me among the lepers, to receive the humblest of gifts from the humblest of Hands. through simplicity, herein lies the fullness of God, the very down-pouring of heavenly heat, searing all sin to its deepest of graves. everything is for the Gospel. what loss to drift from such a treasure.
all the fitness that He requireth is that you feel your need of Him.
it came to me recently that there are facets of the Way that i am bypassing, or removed from at least, through the course of my life. the hymnist continually discourses on the peace of Christ, a concept that, for some reason, has been failing to be grasped within my mind. this idea of Christ being the all encompassing provision of tranquility never seemed to resonate with me completely, perhaps i was out of the rhythm of the Spirit. it just seemed that i couldn't secure for myself a morsel which was laid right before me.
oh, but how this rapidly changes once we more completely grasp the regenerative work of the Cross. i can't believe that it slipped past me, but how meager my perception of the destination of my faith. o the purest of joy to see my marred name in the Lamb's Book! to see the power of His might restore this most broken of vases, to glory in the fact that He hath chosen me among the lepers, to receive the humblest of gifts from the humblest of Hands. through simplicity, herein lies the fullness of God, the very down-pouring of heavenly heat, searing all sin to its deepest of graves. everything is for the Gospel. what loss to drift from such a treasure.
all the fitness that He requireth is that you feel your need of Him.
Wednesday, December 12
lessons
i've been thinking of things i have learned over the past year lately, why not blog it?
-if i eat more than four bananas within an hour, i get the worst farts of my life.
-a 'no' is sometimes the best answer you could ever hope for as it can force you to reevaluate the composition of hope.
-there are few things in life that compare to a satisfying song or album.
-i'm really not cut out for corporate life, as office politics make me want to explode.
-who knew i was allergic to cats?! praise the Lord! can't stand those things...
-my life isn't a summation of mistakes but a carefully attended 'raggedy andy' by a generous Creator.
-i'm pro-gay marriage! not that i think being gay is right, but why are they not being given the chance to live life together just like the rest of us?
-cities can be really loud, and it tarries against me horribly, scratching at my soul. albeit, i am still fascinated with new york city.
-people can be so two-faced, especially at work where facades and masquerades are put up only to later reveal the true nature of their heart.
-i'm trendier than i thought, larry and paul were right all along.
-friendships are worth their weight in gold. it's what the streets of heaven are paved with.
-this judgmental bone runs deeper than i thought in me. it scares me somewhat, because i'm so blind to it, which really is the true nature of this beast. i don't want to be that guy. i don't want to be this man. i need bombs, not seeds. there is a better way than this, albeit how wonderful it is to be humbled before your own dirt!
ptl.
-if i eat more than four bananas within an hour, i get the worst farts of my life.
-a 'no' is sometimes the best answer you could ever hope for as it can force you to reevaluate the composition of hope.
-there are few things in life that compare to a satisfying song or album.
-i'm really not cut out for corporate life, as office politics make me want to explode.
-who knew i was allergic to cats?! praise the Lord! can't stand those things...
-my life isn't a summation of mistakes but a carefully attended 'raggedy andy' by a generous Creator.
-i'm pro-gay marriage! not that i think being gay is right, but why are they not being given the chance to live life together just like the rest of us?
-cities can be really loud, and it tarries against me horribly, scratching at my soul. albeit, i am still fascinated with new york city.
-people can be so two-faced, especially at work where facades and masquerades are put up only to later reveal the true nature of their heart.
-i'm trendier than i thought, larry and paul were right all along.
-friendships are worth their weight in gold. it's what the streets of heaven are paved with.
-this judgmental bone runs deeper than i thought in me. it scares me somewhat, because i'm so blind to it, which really is the true nature of this beast. i don't want to be that guy. i don't want to be this man. i need bombs, not seeds. there is a better way than this, albeit how wonderful it is to be humbled before your own dirt!
ptl.
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