I'm at work, thinking overthinking, and I realized a lot of people are rude. A lot of people aren't Christians, I know, but a lot of Christians are rude also. People come up to me, asking for help, and usually they don't say thankyou. That in and of itself doesn't bother me, I'm used to it dealing with the rich people back at the Marriott, but the fact that they are depending on me to get their work done, which they fail to realize, and completely ignore that fact. I'm tired so this may not make sense. If I didn't help them , they would be screwed out of a grade or two, but I do, I kinda have to. I love them, even if I don't know their name, but I want to help them out, I honestly enjoy what I do here, no matter how simple my job really is.
I think about this with non-believers. They are at the mercy (we all are) of the Creator of the Universe, whom could whip the breath out of our lungs so fast you couldn't measure it, and they don't even realize it. I'm so thankful that I honor that gift. We (Mark, Oleah, Galen and I) just did our chapter in Bible Doctrine about the Incommunicable characteristics of God, wow. My head literally hurts from thinking about how God is wholly everywhere at once, not bound by space, time or matter for He is a immaterial spirit, and how God created time when Creation came about, and everything that goes with that. It's so much to take in. And to sit there and ignore the fact that there is a God out there is one of the most foolish things man can do. I'm not saying all ignore that feeling, but some do, others just don't know the other 1/2 of the story, i.e. Jesus' saving grace.
So this all comes down to our realization that we are deficent by design and we need to recognize that great irking, nagging feeling in our lives, for its not in vain. How does this all relate to people being rude to me at work? I forgot. But you can see how cold and dark people are when the lack of their Savior is taking an effect on their heart, face, and attitude. I wish more people knew about Christ, then they would start smiling more. This whole place is so damn depressing. Our resuce is coming.
Tuesday, January 31
Friday, January 27
can you feel the Illinoise?
This has nothing to do with Illinois, Ron Zook, John Gacy, or choirs, I just think Sufjan Stevens is incredible. I've been listening to it a lot lately, and I'm finding new things, new subtle sounds that are very appealing to me. I'm stuck at work again, gotta love these opening shifts! I was thinking/praying on the walk over here this morning in the dark, and I realized something. For a while now, ever since i got Crowder's new album, I've been praying that He would be my joy. Such a profound, yet simple statement, and it's such a deep desire of my heart. I used to say, a few months ago, that God doesn't give me a lot of joy, but I serve Him anyways. But now it's a little bit different, now He is my joy, but it's not this church camp Jesus high feeling.
When I was praying this morning, once again, that He would be my joy, I realized that He never wasn't my joy. I'm not all giggly inside, singing happy-Jesus you rock-songs in my head as if i've got a live feed from AirOne, but I've got this hope. And this hope gives me joy, but a joy that I haven't really known before. Las night we were all at the FLUHouse and Matt asked me if everything was ok, just checking in on me, and I simply told him "I'm not going to fall apart anytime soon." I guess that could sound cynical, but it wasn't, with the right tone of voice of couse. And it's true, I'm not. Yeah, things aren't the best, I don't feel like I'm completely under God's unfailing grace all the time cause Satan feeds me lies and sometimes they get past my defenses, and my expectations for life are usually let down, but it doesn't matter. All of this really doesn't matter. I've got Jesus in my heart (how Sunday School-esque is that?), and that nullifys practically everything else.
I was over at my friend Pam's appartment last night, asking her some questions about games to play with kids (you know those YoungLife kids...they can work it.) and Katie Wilkinson told us that she went to a press conference today about the semi truck that hit the van and school bus, causing the van to go up in flames instantly, killing everyone inside. Yeah, that in and of itself sucks a lot, but once you know who was in the van, it gets even worse. A 15 year old was driving his 6 brothers and sisters. All gone. One family lost 7 kids in a matter of minuets. That was probably the worst thing that I've heard since 9/11. There have probably been worse accidents, but 1) It was so close to home, Lake Butler and 2) It was so personal. In Intro to FYCS last semster, they put such an emphasis on the family being a solitary unit for support, supplies, and strength (alliteration aside, I think i'll take my chances), and how if you don't have that, it causes a torrent of problems. And here is this family, with 7 kids ( I think some were adopted, none the less, a kid is a kid) all dead because one guy failed to see that the light was red. So I wonder, what is running through the parents minds? What kind of hope do they have now? I'm not sure where they stand with Jesus, but that one standpoint now changes everything. Now I look at myself and wonder what would happen if I was in that situation. I honestly don't know. With such horrific images, thoughts and emotions running through my veins, I really don't know what I would do in that situation. Could I honestly say that I love the driver of that semitruck? I really don't know. But I do know that all of this would make the Destination all the sweeter. And when we get there...all that Illinoise wouldn't be there. No more Sufjan Stevens, no more David Crowder, no more NPR, no more KEXP or Christopher O'Riley. But once again, the Destination nullifies all of this, for all I want to sing is Isaiah 6, over and over and over and over and over and over again. And there will be nore more crying, no more pain or ugliness, no more semi trucks running red lights or planes hitting skyscrapers, and no more fear.
So this family, that lost everything, maybe has no hope now, maybe (hopefully) they have all the hope in the world via Christ. And I'm thankful, for all that I have, and if the Lord takes it all away, Job style, then I pray that my hope would remain the same and that my faith wouldn't fail me. That hope, of something better, gives us joy, and gives us strenght to get through. And all of this comes down to me not caring what my circumstances are, because they really don't matter, much like my opinions. I put my hand on my chest. Yes. I am still alive. And that gives me hope.
When I was praying this morning, once again, that He would be my joy, I realized that He never wasn't my joy. I'm not all giggly inside, singing happy-Jesus you rock-songs in my head as if i've got a live feed from AirOne, but I've got this hope. And this hope gives me joy, but a joy that I haven't really known before. Las night we were all at the FLUHouse and Matt asked me if everything was ok, just checking in on me, and I simply told him "I'm not going to fall apart anytime soon." I guess that could sound cynical, but it wasn't, with the right tone of voice of couse. And it's true, I'm not. Yeah, things aren't the best, I don't feel like I'm completely under God's unfailing grace all the time cause Satan feeds me lies and sometimes they get past my defenses, and my expectations for life are usually let down, but it doesn't matter. All of this really doesn't matter. I've got Jesus in my heart (how Sunday School-esque is that?), and that nullifys practically everything else.
I was over at my friend Pam's appartment last night, asking her some questions about games to play with kids (you know those YoungLife kids...they can work it.) and Katie Wilkinson told us that she went to a press conference today about the semi truck that hit the van and school bus, causing the van to go up in flames instantly, killing everyone inside. Yeah, that in and of itself sucks a lot, but once you know who was in the van, it gets even worse. A 15 year old was driving his 6 brothers and sisters. All gone. One family lost 7 kids in a matter of minuets. That was probably the worst thing that I've heard since 9/11. There have probably been worse accidents, but 1) It was so close to home, Lake Butler and 2) It was so personal. In Intro to FYCS last semster, they put such an emphasis on the family being a solitary unit for support, supplies, and strength (alliteration aside, I think i'll take my chances), and how if you don't have that, it causes a torrent of problems. And here is this family, with 7 kids ( I think some were adopted, none the less, a kid is a kid) all dead because one guy failed to see that the light was red. So I wonder, what is running through the parents minds? What kind of hope do they have now? I'm not sure where they stand with Jesus, but that one standpoint now changes everything. Now I look at myself and wonder what would happen if I was in that situation. I honestly don't know. With such horrific images, thoughts and emotions running through my veins, I really don't know what I would do in that situation. Could I honestly say that I love the driver of that semitruck? I really don't know. But I do know that all of this would make the Destination all the sweeter. And when we get there...all that Illinoise wouldn't be there. No more Sufjan Stevens, no more David Crowder, no more NPR, no more KEXP or Christopher O'Riley. But once again, the Destination nullifies all of this, for all I want to sing is Isaiah 6, over and over and over and over and over and over again. And there will be nore more crying, no more pain or ugliness, no more semi trucks running red lights or planes hitting skyscrapers, and no more fear.
So this family, that lost everything, maybe has no hope now, maybe (hopefully) they have all the hope in the world via Christ. And I'm thankful, for all that I have, and if the Lord takes it all away, Job style, then I pray that my hope would remain the same and that my faith wouldn't fail me. That hope, of something better, gives us joy, and gives us strenght to get through. And all of this comes down to me not caring what my circumstances are, because they really don't matter, much like my opinions. I put my hand on my chest. Yes. I am still alive. And that gives me hope.
Monday, January 23
simplicity
I've been listening to A Collision here at work for a bit now, and i'm finding this theme, wait. This is from Crowder's site on the song "Rescue Is Coming":
and while we yet were sinners, christ died for us. he did not leave us alone. he stepped into our condition to bring us back to god. to bring us back to what was intended. the divine, bearing all depravity. the most horrific of collisions. the most tragic and beautiful. the breaking is glorious and loud. we have won. it might not feel like it. you might not can see it just yet. but the reality of our situation is that rescue is present. every second of life is spent in the very presence of god. there is not a second of human history that he has not been present. majesty is here. and it is coming. finally. just be quiet. and wait.
I remember reading somewhere, maybe it was my Bible, about the definition of 'salvation'. It's such a simple, yet gorgeous, concept. The author was talking about how that term, salvation, was used in the depths of battle, when all hope seemed to be lost and death seemed certain. You are moments from going six feet under, and here it comes. All you have to do is wait for it, but here it comes, the second wave of your troops to come in and kick the you know what out of your enemy, to turn the tables of odds and run for victory. I remember one time my brother and I were swimming in my grandpa's pool, and he swam off the deep end, and he wasn't the best swimmer. He started to drown, and I had to go out there and save him. I wasn't the best swimmer either, but if I didn't do something, that situation could have turned ugly. And there I was, in a sense, my brothers salvation. And there Christ is, our salvation. The hand we reach for when the waters drown out the light, the second wave of soldiers. And all we have to do is wait. A few days ago before class started, my friend Corey asked me why I looked upset, and I told her that I was having a crappy day cause my timeline wasn't the same as God's and I was impatient. Because I didn't grasp a four letter word, I had a piss poor day. And I see it now, God's amazing provision, in his amazing timing, and by us utilizing His amazing gift of prayer to align our will to His perfect one, they are all here, never leaving us even when we think it has. So I sit, and carve that word on my heart, wait. Just be quiet and wait. Our rescue is coming.
and while we yet were sinners, christ died for us. he did not leave us alone. he stepped into our condition to bring us back to god. to bring us back to what was intended. the divine, bearing all depravity. the most horrific of collisions. the most tragic and beautiful. the breaking is glorious and loud. we have won. it might not feel like it. you might not can see it just yet. but the reality of our situation is that rescue is present. every second of life is spent in the very presence of god. there is not a second of human history that he has not been present. majesty is here. and it is coming. finally. just be quiet. and wait.
I remember reading somewhere, maybe it was my Bible, about the definition of 'salvation'. It's such a simple, yet gorgeous, concept. The author was talking about how that term, salvation, was used in the depths of battle, when all hope seemed to be lost and death seemed certain. You are moments from going six feet under, and here it comes. All you have to do is wait for it, but here it comes, the second wave of your troops to come in and kick the you know what out of your enemy, to turn the tables of odds and run for victory. I remember one time my brother and I were swimming in my grandpa's pool, and he swam off the deep end, and he wasn't the best swimmer. He started to drown, and I had to go out there and save him. I wasn't the best swimmer either, but if I didn't do something, that situation could have turned ugly. And there I was, in a sense, my brothers salvation. And there Christ is, our salvation. The hand we reach for when the waters drown out the light, the second wave of soldiers. And all we have to do is wait. A few days ago before class started, my friend Corey asked me why I looked upset, and I told her that I was having a crappy day cause my timeline wasn't the same as God's and I was impatient. Because I didn't grasp a four letter word, I had a piss poor day. And I see it now, God's amazing provision, in his amazing timing, and by us utilizing His amazing gift of prayer to align our will to His perfect one, they are all here, never leaving us even when we think it has. So I sit, and carve that word on my heart, wait. Just be quiet and wait. Our rescue is coming.
Sunday, January 22
call me Joseph...
I had this weird dream last night. I was at Faithwalkers, but it didn't feel like this past years, it was in the coming years, but I didn't feel any older. We were all in one of the seminars, it was a smaller one, but there was about 25-40 people there. I was standing in the back of the room, listening to the main speaker, maybe Bill Young? I can't remember, and this guy that was sitting in a chair to the left of me asked me to sit down, so I sat on the ground right there. Then the speaker introduced me, because I was supposed to be the one giving the seminar. I don't remember what I was supposed to be talking about, but I remember that the main Scripture I was using was out of I Timothy, maybe chapter 5? I don't remember. And I remember, I was so cool and calm, I was walking around the front of the room talking, which in real life I hated to do, I always stood right behind the podium in speech class. But I was comfortable, comfortable enough to not even use the mic. I don't remember how long I was talking for, but then I woke up, and I looked at the clock and it said 0230 hours. And I saw my mom called, she left a message about Family & Friends weekend in a week. It felt so weird. I'm writing this mainly so that I can remember it, I'm pretty sure I know what it means, and I hope it comes true. I'm gonna go back through I Tim and see if I can figure out what I was trying to teach on in my dream. It felt so real it was eerie. OK, off to church gone wild.
Thursday, January 19
Come and Listen...
Listening to David Crowder's song right now, and something went through my head. All we have to base what we believe on is a book and a life transformed by what we can't see or measure. There is so much beauty in that, I fail to realize it so much. I remember one time JB and I were sharing with this agnostic kid in the Reitz, and on the walk back we were talking about how its such a simple decision, yet it is the biggest moment of your entire life. Thank God for the Holy Spirit! So I find it incredible that the greatest thing that has ever happend to us, the one thing that radically changes how we speak, act and feel, is all from something we can't even see. Some may say that's religion being the opiate of society, but our Lord wants hearts that are faithful, full of faith, not full of proof that was given to them so that they can be persuaded. You can't measure love or affection, nor happiness, depression, laughter, or crying, but they are there, and we can see the effects. You can't see God, but you can see his fingerprint in our lives as we do our part to fufill His will. Matthew 28 in my veins. In our veins. And some will never know what we know, and it breaks my heart. I'm off to bed, preluded by a bit more deep thinking in deep sheets.
OSX...you amaze me
I was browsing around, and I stumbled on a link on a random blog that had this link. http://osx.portraitofakite.com/
I've been looking for this forever...I am so dang excited! Now I can bear it a little longer till I get the 13" MacBook Pro.
This man thinks like I do...I guess he just has the ends to make is ideas real. Poor college kids... but these are good reasons.
I've been looking for this forever...I am so dang excited! Now I can bear it a little longer till I get the 13" MacBook Pro.
This man thinks like I do...I guess he just has the ends to make is ideas real. Poor college kids... but these are good reasons.
can I CIRCA survive? (get it?)
I'm here at the CIRCA lab at work, I really like this job! I get to help people, which rocks, and I get to waste time on the web. Classes honestly should be pretty easy this semester, and I'm liking Bio Lab already. 1) I know we are going to get in some good discussions in there about evolution and stuff and 2) JB Bopp is in there as well. So I'm excited about that, and that means that I will have more time to support raise and spend time with my guys, younger and older. I'm a little intimidated about support raising, but I'm ok for now, but I think once we get to Orlando to the conference, I'm honestly not sure what to expect. I know He will provide.
Lately I've been making trips out to Paines Prarie at midnight or 1am. It's eerie how honest I can be with God out there. I'm no sure what it is, but I definately connect out there, under the blanket of stars. Last night was quite interesting, I actually felt like I was having a verbal conversation with God, and it was incredibly peaceful at times, others were a little emotional. I told God last night, if I could have 20 min. with Him, oh man. I'm not exactly sure what I would I would ask, I honestly don't even know if I would even want to ask anything at all. I'd be pretty content with just sitting there, in His glory, but that's what Heaven is for. And I'm realizing that I really don't know what I want. I think I do at times, but I really don't, because I'm so dang complex (...thanks, Adam). I'm trusting that God's got it all figured out, how cliche does that sound? Christianese sucks. He knows the depths of my heart, He flippin created me!!!
My roommate John's girlfriend has been coming in from Tallahassee a lot lately, and we got into a good discussion about religion. She is hardcore Jewish, reformed of course, but hardcore nontheless. Makes sense right? Anyways, we were just talking about respect for other religions and how she listens to Relient K and junk. I ended up challenging her to read The Gospel of John, she said she would. Hopefully John will be a good witness to her, I hope. Off to go walk around the lab, I might update again later today.
Lately I've been making trips out to Paines Prarie at midnight or 1am. It's eerie how honest I can be with God out there. I'm no sure what it is, but I definately connect out there, under the blanket of stars. Last night was quite interesting, I actually felt like I was having a verbal conversation with God, and it was incredibly peaceful at times, others were a little emotional. I told God last night, if I could have 20 min. with Him, oh man. I'm not exactly sure what I would I would ask, I honestly don't even know if I would even want to ask anything at all. I'd be pretty content with just sitting there, in His glory, but that's what Heaven is for. And I'm realizing that I really don't know what I want. I think I do at times, but I really don't, because I'm so dang complex (...thanks, Adam). I'm trusting that God's got it all figured out, how cliche does that sound? Christianese sucks. He knows the depths of my heart, He flippin created me!!!
My roommate John's girlfriend has been coming in from Tallahassee a lot lately, and we got into a good discussion about religion. She is hardcore Jewish, reformed of course, but hardcore nontheless. Makes sense right? Anyways, we were just talking about respect for other religions and how she listens to Relient K and junk. I ended up challenging her to read The Gospel of John, she said she would. Hopefully John will be a good witness to her, I hope. Off to go walk around the lab, I might update again later today.
Tuesday, January 17
number one with a bullet...and i'm pulling it.
Well, this is the first one. Can you believe it? THE FIRST ONE! Not of all eternity, but I'm using this blog to evolve some thoughts I have. It's not thoughts like, "I wonder what's REALLY in a hot dog?" or "Why does my roomates room smell so weird?", but deeper stuff, stuff that actually matters. Maybe this will be my springboard into a book. Yeah right.
I don't want to mislead you with the title. My roomate showed me a book called "Adventures In Missing The Point". It was really really good from what I could tell. 1 chapter can speak volumes! It was Christian commentary on how, through our Walk, we think we have it all figured out, but in reality, we've totally missed the point. I'll explain more, but this is my blog to think out my mistakes and how I miss the point, just like a lot of other people. We'll see where God takes it. I'll write later.
I don't want to mislead you with the title. My roomate showed me a book called "Adventures In Missing The Point". It was really really good from what I could tell. 1 chapter can speak volumes! It was Christian commentary on how, through our Walk, we think we have it all figured out, but in reality, we've totally missed the point. I'll explain more, but this is my blog to think out my mistakes and how I miss the point, just like a lot of other people. We'll see where God takes it. I'll write later.
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