i've been thinking of things i have learned over the past year lately, why not blog it?
-if i eat more than four bananas within an hour, i get the worst farts of my life.
-a 'no' is sometimes the best answer you could ever hope for as it can force you to reevaluate the composition of hope.
-there are few things in life that compare to a satisfying song or album.
-i'm really not cut out for corporate life, as office politics make me want to explode.
-who knew i was allergic to cats?! praise the Lord! can't stand those things...
-my life isn't a summation of mistakes but a carefully attended 'raggedy andy' by a generous Creator.
-i'm pro-gay marriage! not that i think being gay is right, but why are they not being given the chance to live life together just like the rest of us?
-cities can be really loud, and it tarries against me horribly, scratching at my soul. albeit, i am still fascinated with new york city.
-people can be so two-faced, especially at work where facades and masquerades are put up only to later reveal the true nature of their heart.
-i'm trendier than i thought, larry and paul were right all along.
-friendships are worth their weight in gold. it's what the streets of heaven are paved with.
-this judgmental bone runs deeper than i thought in me. it scares me somewhat, because i'm so blind to it, which really is the true nature of this beast. i don't want to be that guy. i don't want to be this man. i need bombs, not seeds. there is a better way than this, albeit how wonderful it is to be humbled before your own dirt!
ptl.
Wednesday, December 12
Thursday, November 22
hills
mephistopheles, you are nothing.
you are the epitome of patheticism.
we have the upper hand.
you will not take me.
we have the higher hill.
you will not take my sisters.
our sights are centered.
you will not take my brothers.
you will not take this campus.
you have nothing but sawdust.
you are a used car salesman.
you are nauseating.
you are vile.
do you know what's in store?
have you done your homework?
did you read the last chapter?
you are the fox.
you are the impostor.
you are the dolt.
you are the epitome of patheticism.
we have the upper hand.
you will not take me.
we have the higher hill.
you will not take my sisters.
our sights are centered.
you will not take my brothers.
you will not take this campus.
you have nothing but sawdust.
you are a used car salesman.
you are nauseating.
you are vile.
do you know what's in store?
have you done your homework?
did you read the last chapter?
you are the fox.
you are the impostor.
you are the dolt.
Sunday, October 7
aqueous realizations
everything looks different soaked in water.
the trees are a quieter green, the air is a thicker white, the ground undulates more than unusual. and the last part is what gets me. on your average arid day, the sea of concrete is unstrikingly placid, transfiguring between parking lots and interstates. all fades away behind the restlessness of our endless days.
but when it rains, more than precipitation falls from the heavens. this cool peace seems to slow everything down as constrained heat within the sidewalks escape upwards.
life slows down.
we learn to breathe and glance within.
as the puddles begin to accumulate into masses, i realize that this ocean of asphalt isn't so flat anymore as i see a plethora of new ponds everywhere i turn. things aren't what i thought they were. and this is how see myself now, as the proverbial rains of life have filled the cracks within my heart, transforming this seemingly level heart. i can see myself more clearly now, thanks to the rain. assumptions removed, who i am, faults and flaws, comes into view.
thank you, rain.
the trees are a quieter green, the air is a thicker white, the ground undulates more than unusual. and the last part is what gets me. on your average arid day, the sea of concrete is unstrikingly placid, transfiguring between parking lots and interstates. all fades away behind the restlessness of our endless days.
but when it rains, more than precipitation falls from the heavens. this cool peace seems to slow everything down as constrained heat within the sidewalks escape upwards.
life slows down.
we learn to breathe and glance within.
as the puddles begin to accumulate into masses, i realize that this ocean of asphalt isn't so flat anymore as i see a plethora of new ponds everywhere i turn. things aren't what i thought they were. and this is how see myself now, as the proverbial rains of life have filled the cracks within my heart, transforming this seemingly level heart. i can see myself more clearly now, thanks to the rain. assumptions removed, who i am, faults and flaws, comes into view.
thank you, rain.
Saturday, October 6
homeless van newsletter
i wrote this for a class, figured i'd post it here too...
--
This was my first time reading the Home Van Newsletter, and I throughly enjoyed it as it challenged how I view homelessness a little bit more. It's so good to get shaken up and forced to think critically about what you believe, whether it be about God, homelessness or the President.
Arupa brings up an interesting point as she describes this dream that she has where she was comfortable and warm inside her bed, and peering into her windows are the faces of the homeless that she works with, which segues into a discussion of Carl Gustav Jung. Jung wrote about the 'shadow self', a mental construct of everything about ourselves that we don't want to deal with or confront, and how we tend to disassociate ourselves with those whom we see our shadow self in. We reject them, demoralize them, despise them because they represent the 'ugly us'.
I find this fascinating, most probably due to two contrasting views of homelessness I, and maybe most of us, have. On one hand, I see the reaction some people have to homelessness, where they stereotype them into lethargic, hopeless, languid, drunk caricatures. These people tend to seldom offer the helping hand because they see that they are just looking to get by today, and not trying to fix any long-term problems. On the other hand, there are those who faithfully serve at the shelters and homeless councils, who have personal friendships with some of these guys, and truly care for them. I feel that most of us battle with these two conflicting viewpoints, and sometimes the former takes control.
One of the largest hurdles to clear in Gainesville's attempt to defeat homelessness is social acceptability. It seems like everyone loves the idea of organizations and institutions being all philanthropic to help them out, but no one wants it in their back yard. No one wants this one-stop homeless shelter near their home or business, but they want the problem solved. It's always fascinated me that few ever want to be a part of the solution, and I mean in deeper way than giving Chair, Nixon or any other homeless dude $5 so he can go buy "food", which we all know is a lie so they can buy beer. We see the shadow self in some of these homeless, and it scares us. Sure, I think we say that the guy pushing the shopping cart full of trash bags down 2nd Ave is sketch, but what I think is even more scarry is that we see part of ourselves in those needy eyes. We don't consciously realize it, but it's there.
So this may be the reason homelessness hasn't been ameliorated for all these years, because politicians and bureaucrats don't want to admit that they are just like those sleeping under cardboard. 'The Dirty' are just as hopeless, just as angry, just as selfish, just as jealous as the Senator on his private jet coming back from a formal dinner with the President, it's just that the senator has a few more materialistic masks to hide behind. Until we can level with ourselves on this issue of commonality with the socially despised, it seems our driving motivation for a solution to homelessness is derived more from obligation than undefiled compassion. I'm still leveling with myself, I'm no different from the rest.
--
This was my first time reading the Home Van Newsletter, and I throughly enjoyed it as it challenged how I view homelessness a little bit more. It's so good to get shaken up and forced to think critically about what you believe, whether it be about God, homelessness or the President.
Arupa brings up an interesting point as she describes this dream that she has where she was comfortable and warm inside her bed, and peering into her windows are the faces of the homeless that she works with, which segues into a discussion of Carl Gustav Jung. Jung wrote about the 'shadow self', a mental construct of everything about ourselves that we don't want to deal with or confront, and how we tend to disassociate ourselves with those whom we see our shadow self in. We reject them, demoralize them, despise them because they represent the 'ugly us'.
I find this fascinating, most probably due to two contrasting views of homelessness I, and maybe most of us, have. On one hand, I see the reaction some people have to homelessness, where they stereotype them into lethargic, hopeless, languid, drunk caricatures. These people tend to seldom offer the helping hand because they see that they are just looking to get by today, and not trying to fix any long-term problems. On the other hand, there are those who faithfully serve at the shelters and homeless councils, who have personal friendships with some of these guys, and truly care for them. I feel that most of us battle with these two conflicting viewpoints, and sometimes the former takes control.
One of the largest hurdles to clear in Gainesville's attempt to defeat homelessness is social acceptability. It seems like everyone loves the idea of organizations and institutions being all philanthropic to help them out, but no one wants it in their back yard. No one wants this one-stop homeless shelter near their home or business, but they want the problem solved. It's always fascinated me that few ever want to be a part of the solution, and I mean in deeper way than giving Chair, Nixon or any other homeless dude $5 so he can go buy "food", which we all know is a lie so they can buy beer. We see the shadow self in some of these homeless, and it scares us. Sure, I think we say that the guy pushing the shopping cart full of trash bags down 2nd Ave is sketch, but what I think is even more scarry is that we see part of ourselves in those needy eyes. We don't consciously realize it, but it's there.
So this may be the reason homelessness hasn't been ameliorated for all these years, because politicians and bureaucrats don't want to admit that they are just like those sleeping under cardboard. 'The Dirty' are just as hopeless, just as angry, just as selfish, just as jealous as the Senator on his private jet coming back from a formal dinner with the President, it's just that the senator has a few more materialistic masks to hide behind. Until we can level with ourselves on this issue of commonality with the socially despised, it seems our driving motivation for a solution to homelessness is derived more from obligation than undefiled compassion. I'm still leveling with myself, I'm no different from the rest.
Thursday, September 27
economics of liturgy
i have to get this off my chest.
and it's not necessarily directed at anyone in particular.
over fifty percent of church growth is transient. i think it might be even higher than that. migratory. the church isn't growing, it's relocating. and this pisses me off. when did the church of the Almighty God become this disposable, recyclable commodity? why has it become viewed as this dispenser of self-centered wants when we blatantly deny what we can give to His body, His people? granted, there is a time and place for being fed by the church, but that is not its manifest function.
somewhere along the way, this paradigm shift occurred in how we view church, and she's bleeding because of it. i argue that the manifest function of the church is to be the vehicle in which we spill our lives for the One who shed His untainted blood to redeem our adulterous hearts. it doesn't matter if i'm not connecting with the sunday message, for it's the Holy Spirit inside who instructs me in the intangible lessons which my heart so desperately needs.
why are people jumping ship and swimming to the more luxurious vessel with more bells and whistles? why can't people commit? for life? are we that thin-skinned?
i understand this may come off with a caustic tone, but this is a problem, and so many christians are too willing to give up their posts. the church is internally bleeding as we've accepted this unbiblical worldview of selfishness and expendability. i don't even know if that's a real word.
jesus, please help your people. rushing wind, blow through this temple, clearing out the dust within.
and it's not necessarily directed at anyone in particular.
over fifty percent of church growth is transient. i think it might be even higher than that. migratory. the church isn't growing, it's relocating. and this pisses me off. when did the church of the Almighty God become this disposable, recyclable commodity? why has it become viewed as this dispenser of self-centered wants when we blatantly deny what we can give to His body, His people? granted, there is a time and place for being fed by the church, but that is not its manifest function.
somewhere along the way, this paradigm shift occurred in how we view church, and she's bleeding because of it. i argue that the manifest function of the church is to be the vehicle in which we spill our lives for the One who shed His untainted blood to redeem our adulterous hearts. it doesn't matter if i'm not connecting with the sunday message, for it's the Holy Spirit inside who instructs me in the intangible lessons which my heart so desperately needs.
why are people jumping ship and swimming to the more luxurious vessel with more bells and whistles? why can't people commit? for life? are we that thin-skinned?
i understand this may come off with a caustic tone, but this is a problem, and so many christians are too willing to give up their posts. the church is internally bleeding as we've accepted this unbiblical worldview of selfishness and expendability. i don't even know if that's a real word.
jesus, please help your people. rushing wind, blow through this temple, clearing out the dust within.
Tuesday, September 18
confounded, constrained.
"and now, behold, i am going to jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me." -acts 20:22-23
this is EXACTLY how i feel!
well, almost. minus that imprisonment part.
the leaves are turning, glowing again as this new season of faith unveils itself. the Spirit has constrained me, making these next few steps very clear. staff makes so much sense now, realizing the opportunities opening through these means. "david, you don't do staff because you want to be on staff. you go on staff as a means to an end, as a launch pad to something greater." -frank liu. i can preach constantly, i can raise up more men as real men of faith (not to say that i'm anything amazing myself), i can serve the church more, i can coach homegroups, i can home-school my kids, i can move anywhere the Spirit constrains me, i can be completely free for His use. eleven years ago, when i was Regenerated, i would have never, ever thought that i would be a full-time missionary. this does not come without some fears, genuine ones, of what-if's, but the Spirit is stirring, the embers of devotion are swelling with light, the fjord is about to break. i want to be here when it happens.
this temporary departure frightens me too.
alas, "many are the plans in the mind of man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." -proverbs 19:21
"but i do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only i may finish my course and the ministry that i received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." -acts 20:24
oh, how earnestly i yearn to assimilate this more fully. i want this to settle deeper, in the hidden corners of my heart. dad, please help me take you at your word all the more, please. if only my faith were the size of a mustard seed, what would happen? what would be different? continue to regenerate this doubtful heart, help me to see this new being you say i am more clearly. remove this faux box that you're in in my mind, help me to see you for who you really are. there is no one else for me, none but jesus, crucified to set me free. so shall it be.
this is EXACTLY how i feel!
well, almost. minus that imprisonment part.
the leaves are turning, glowing again as this new season of faith unveils itself. the Spirit has constrained me, making these next few steps very clear. staff makes so much sense now, realizing the opportunities opening through these means. "david, you don't do staff because you want to be on staff. you go on staff as a means to an end, as a launch pad to something greater." -frank liu. i can preach constantly, i can raise up more men as real men of faith (not to say that i'm anything amazing myself), i can serve the church more, i can coach homegroups, i can home-school my kids, i can move anywhere the Spirit constrains me, i can be completely free for His use. eleven years ago, when i was Regenerated, i would have never, ever thought that i would be a full-time missionary. this does not come without some fears, genuine ones, of what-if's, but the Spirit is stirring, the embers of devotion are swelling with light, the fjord is about to break. i want to be here when it happens.
this temporary departure frightens me too.
alas, "many are the plans in the mind of man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." -proverbs 19:21
"but i do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only i may finish my course and the ministry that i received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." -acts 20:24
oh, how earnestly i yearn to assimilate this more fully. i want this to settle deeper, in the hidden corners of my heart. dad, please help me take you at your word all the more, please. if only my faith were the size of a mustard seed, what would happen? what would be different? continue to regenerate this doubtful heart, help me to see this new being you say i am more clearly. remove this faux box that you're in in my mind, help me to see you for who you really are. there is no one else for me, none but jesus, crucified to set me free. so shall it be.
Tuesday, August 28
in season & out
i'm sick of being disobedient.
i was disobedient last spring.
i was disobedient in poznan.
it's not going to happen anymore.
some how, i convince myself that 'good' is acceptable, when He's offering the 'best'. it's right there, in the middle of His table, the offer prime. yet i shrink back, and limit myself and completely sell myself short.
i am regenerated.
so as He urges me to preach on campus, i would be a fool to deny the opportunity.
not to mention that i HAVE to do this, look at this verse:
"so you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'we are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.'" -luke 17:10
i am doulos.
i have to preach, i have to proclaim, i have to realize how temporal our ivory bones are. Holy Spirit whacked me over the head with this verse the other day, and it's been on the forefront of my mind ever since. He doesn't owe me one single thing, not a wife, children, a career or the next breath in my lungs, for I am eternally indebted to my Father for stepping in between His justice and His wrath for me. how amazing is that! i mean, here i am, this puny college kid who frequently fails to take his Father at His word, who choses the good things of this world, when i can eternally explore and worship the very One who stitched me together.
i am raggedy andy.
sew me up, all the more. rips and tears, stuffing gone and buttons not there, take me as i am.
i am covered in unapproachable light.
i was disobedient last spring.
i was disobedient in poznan.
it's not going to happen anymore.
some how, i convince myself that 'good' is acceptable, when He's offering the 'best'. it's right there, in the middle of His table, the offer prime. yet i shrink back, and limit myself and completely sell myself short.
i am regenerated.
so as He urges me to preach on campus, i would be a fool to deny the opportunity.
not to mention that i HAVE to do this, look at this verse:
"so you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'we are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.'" -luke 17:10
i am doulos.
i have to preach, i have to proclaim, i have to realize how temporal our ivory bones are. Holy Spirit whacked me over the head with this verse the other day, and it's been on the forefront of my mind ever since. He doesn't owe me one single thing, not a wife, children, a career or the next breath in my lungs, for I am eternally indebted to my Father for stepping in between His justice and His wrath for me. how amazing is that! i mean, here i am, this puny college kid who frequently fails to take his Father at His word, who choses the good things of this world, when i can eternally explore and worship the very One who stitched me together.
i am raggedy andy.
sew me up, all the more. rips and tears, stuffing gone and buttons not there, take me as i am.
i am covered in unapproachable light.
Sunday, August 5
moses
'way of the master' has been the book of choice as of late, and it has been opening my eyes to the importance of the Law in evangelism. it expounds upon the pitfalls of using the 'wonderful Jesus' promise of happiness and peace as a means to bring people to the Cross, as well as showing how to properly use the Law to bring around conviction of sin (1 Tim 1) thus providing tilled soil for the glorious seed of the Gospel to grab deep roots.
the Spirit has been nudging me, quite strongly, to keep talking to my coworkers and my dad about the Law and the coming wrath, which seems so 'hellfire & brimstone'-ish, yet so deeply rooted in the Scriptures. tonight, my dad and i finally talked about this subject, and from the get-go, it all seemed to go downhill. he has quite a bit of knowledge of the core doctrine of Salvation, so it was incredibly hard to bring up certain points that needed to be discussed. it was very clear in my conscience not to come across as judgmental, but apparently he was perceiving something completely different. his temper, and my emotion, rose, so things got out of hand after a while. i love my father so deeply that it becomes so difficult to communicate clearly from the tense throat and tears in my eyes, and when that happens, i become even MORE frustrated and emotional. i don't feel that i'm all that emotional of a person, maybe this is not true, but whatever i am, it got the best of me. things started to spiral out of control and the conversation turned to a recent event that happened earlier, unrelated.
this is so ridiculous and enraging, that i can not even communicate clearly, with confidence, what i need to. granted, it's not my job to save him, i don't even have that kind of power, but it is so frustrating seeing him live his life completely deceived by what he thinks is true. i just don't know if i can talk to him anymore about it, seems that i have scarred him with my judgments. i don't feel as if i am an overly judgmental person, but just like the Scriptures say, every man will proclaim his own goodness. i know that He uses all things to work together for His good, which seems so cliche sometimes in Christianity, but it still doesn't make it any less frustrating that i come across as a complete fundamentalist engulfed in flames with gavel in hand. that is not who i am nor supposed to be!!!!
Lord, please take this heart of frustration, judgment, anger, and emotionalism for your own will, molding to the likeness of your perfect, beautiful Son who stood between your Creation and your wrath, that we may live our lives in holiness with gratitude for all that you have done in fixing our debilitating problem. i don't want to be overly fanatic or intimidatingly zealous that i drive people away with a sour taste in their mouths. this revolution of love will not go quietly into the night, but be proclaimed from the rooftops so that all may at least acquire the knowledge of your coming wrath, and the cure for this cancer. if i am wrong, please discipline me in your loving kindness, for i am just a man blinded by selfish desires and scorching arrows of doubt. i'm sick of christian cliches and traditions, i want more of your perfect heart in this cold chest of mine. i need you to be close, to be here, to be there in his bedroom, pulling and pricking his heart, that my dad may realize all that you have in store for him. please take everything, every day, that this living sacrifice may not wiggle of the altar. amen and good night.
the Spirit has been nudging me, quite strongly, to keep talking to my coworkers and my dad about the Law and the coming wrath, which seems so 'hellfire & brimstone'-ish, yet so deeply rooted in the Scriptures. tonight, my dad and i finally talked about this subject, and from the get-go, it all seemed to go downhill. he has quite a bit of knowledge of the core doctrine of Salvation, so it was incredibly hard to bring up certain points that needed to be discussed. it was very clear in my conscience not to come across as judgmental, but apparently he was perceiving something completely different. his temper, and my emotion, rose, so things got out of hand after a while. i love my father so deeply that it becomes so difficult to communicate clearly from the tense throat and tears in my eyes, and when that happens, i become even MORE frustrated and emotional. i don't feel that i'm all that emotional of a person, maybe this is not true, but whatever i am, it got the best of me. things started to spiral out of control and the conversation turned to a recent event that happened earlier, unrelated.
this is so ridiculous and enraging, that i can not even communicate clearly, with confidence, what i need to. granted, it's not my job to save him, i don't even have that kind of power, but it is so frustrating seeing him live his life completely deceived by what he thinks is true. i just don't know if i can talk to him anymore about it, seems that i have scarred him with my judgments. i don't feel as if i am an overly judgmental person, but just like the Scriptures say, every man will proclaim his own goodness. i know that He uses all things to work together for His good, which seems so cliche sometimes in Christianity, but it still doesn't make it any less frustrating that i come across as a complete fundamentalist engulfed in flames with gavel in hand. that is not who i am nor supposed to be!!!!
Lord, please take this heart of frustration, judgment, anger, and emotionalism for your own will, molding to the likeness of your perfect, beautiful Son who stood between your Creation and your wrath, that we may live our lives in holiness with gratitude for all that you have done in fixing our debilitating problem. i don't want to be overly fanatic or intimidatingly zealous that i drive people away with a sour taste in their mouths. this revolution of love will not go quietly into the night, but be proclaimed from the rooftops so that all may at least acquire the knowledge of your coming wrath, and the cure for this cancer. if i am wrong, please discipline me in your loving kindness, for i am just a man blinded by selfish desires and scorching arrows of doubt. i'm sick of christian cliches and traditions, i want more of your perfect heart in this cold chest of mine. i need you to be close, to be here, to be there in his bedroom, pulling and pricking his heart, that my dad may realize all that you have in store for him. please take everything, every day, that this living sacrifice may not wiggle of the altar. amen and good night.
Wednesday, July 11
lightness
today was somewhat frustrating, and i am quite glad it is over. i am being blamed, by the kids mind you, for doing things that i never did, things that could get me on the naughty list with the parents or maybe fired. it's just so frustrating! i guess i need to be even more laissez faire with the kids, i need to cover my bases. harumph...
on an upnote, youth group was great tonight, they even let me mix the worship which was a treat. i truly miss doing that at GCL, it always made me seem like a little boy again, discovering a new world over the fence.
"writers write" my dad always says. that is something that has been calling my heart as of late. i've been itching to write, not sure what, just put something down and stretch those cold metatarsals. i miss the simplicity of short poetry, and i would enjoy doing a piece in the style of Pettigrew.
my faith seems to be becoming something deeper within my flesh. i say that somewhat hesitantly because it would seem obvious that such a beautiful, developing object be completely consumed within it's beholder. yet, my faith is taking new turns in how it affects my thought processes and the 'what-if's' become nominalized with maturity. it's funny how the weight of anger is lifted once the pressurized words are released into the night sky. i took a walk tonight after matt and i left the movie's early, frustrated at something that i assumed was God's fault. and all the words that i think i need to say seem to dissipate as they float off my tongue, loosing their urgency to the sound of the busy street across the lake. anger and selfishness are all in vain when confronted with the one who's Hands hold the ferocity of the Universe, keeping all life under His thumb. may i squeeze into a wrinkle of that palm as i wrestle and rest with the fact that despite my longing to find a heavy handed tongue in the night sky, He has all my deepest questions answered before the thought hits my deepest synapse.
on an upnote, youth group was great tonight, they even let me mix the worship which was a treat. i truly miss doing that at GCL, it always made me seem like a little boy again, discovering a new world over the fence.
"writers write" my dad always says. that is something that has been calling my heart as of late. i've been itching to write, not sure what, just put something down and stretch those cold metatarsals. i miss the simplicity of short poetry, and i would enjoy doing a piece in the style of Pettigrew.
my faith seems to be becoming something deeper within my flesh. i say that somewhat hesitantly because it would seem obvious that such a beautiful, developing object be completely consumed within it's beholder. yet, my faith is taking new turns in how it affects my thought processes and the 'what-if's' become nominalized with maturity. it's funny how the weight of anger is lifted once the pressurized words are released into the night sky. i took a walk tonight after matt and i left the movie's early, frustrated at something that i assumed was God's fault. and all the words that i think i need to say seem to dissipate as they float off my tongue, loosing their urgency to the sound of the busy street across the lake. anger and selfishness are all in vain when confronted with the one who's Hands hold the ferocity of the Universe, keeping all life under His thumb. may i squeeze into a wrinkle of that palm as i wrestle and rest with the fact that despite my longing to find a heavy handed tongue in the night sky, He has all my deepest questions answered before the thought hits my deepest synapse.
Sunday, July 8
uphill
wow, i haven't posted in a while! this is my first post of the summer and my first post on my new macbook! it was an exciting day on friday when i unpacked this beast, i was quite giddy.
being home for the summer has been wonderful, as i spend time with my family, especially my little brother, i am constantly reminded of the genetic overlap that we five share. we are all similar, yet completely different, all at the exact same time. there is something intangibly beautiful and innately secure about family, which i did not know very fondly in my adolescence. needless to say, i have become quite appreciative of this.
switching gears, i have become very convicted of my level of evangelism. after all, "if you love Me, you will follow my commandments." i want my coworkers to know the coming wrath and the saving grace of our Almighty, but i just can't seem to get conversations where they need to be. "church" is staring to feel more and more pathetic as a way of bringing up the subject of eternity. right now my book of choice is "way of the master" by ray comfort, which discusses the biblical method of evangelism which uses the Law (10 Commandments) to bring around conviction of sin and the knowledge of the purpose of the Cross. without the Law, the Cross is frivolous and powerless. i want them to know so badly, for no man knows the day or the hour. i have been thinking of going down to weston town center and passing out tracks. what's the worst that can happen? see Jesus early?
let us be Your hands and feet. please.
being home for the summer has been wonderful, as i spend time with my family, especially my little brother, i am constantly reminded of the genetic overlap that we five share. we are all similar, yet completely different, all at the exact same time. there is something intangibly beautiful and innately secure about family, which i did not know very fondly in my adolescence. needless to say, i have become quite appreciative of this.
switching gears, i have become very convicted of my level of evangelism. after all, "if you love Me, you will follow my commandments." i want my coworkers to know the coming wrath and the saving grace of our Almighty, but i just can't seem to get conversations where they need to be. "church" is staring to feel more and more pathetic as a way of bringing up the subject of eternity. right now my book of choice is "way of the master" by ray comfort, which discusses the biblical method of evangelism which uses the Law (10 Commandments) to bring around conviction of sin and the knowledge of the purpose of the Cross. without the Law, the Cross is frivolous and powerless. i want them to know so badly, for no man knows the day or the hour. i have been thinking of going down to weston town center and passing out tracks. what's the worst that can happen? see Jesus early?
let us be Your hands and feet. please.
Saturday, April 28
3/4
my college career is 75% complete.
that scares the crap out of me.
what am i going to do? where am i going to go? what is my dad going to say?
i went cycling around campus at midnight tonight, enjoying the stillness, the lights, the wind ruffling my hair. this place means so much to me, more than this blog, or the human voice, could express. God has taken my hand, taken my heart, and done what He wants, most of the time, showing me a life that i didn't realize existed.
this campus brings to life everything in me. it's not the campus itself, it's the tears, the scars, the laughs of a friend: the kind you know have your hand, regardless. the lunches, the all-night shifts at work, the gospel sharing, the sum of a life that was lived without many regrets, at least in this turning of my life.
i still have another year, only the Lord knows what it will bring, and that is a lot of time. in this bittersweet morsel of a memory, i will relish in the times of joy and pain, of exuberance and gut-wrenching tears, of faith and fear. i will live this last year with everything i have, not in the what-if?'s of yesteryear, but in the what-next?'s of now. we have one shot at this, one shot to make it all count, one shot to live this life with full expectation of the life to come. i pray that all of this is a disconnection from this world, for it let's us live for heaven all the more. makes heaven that much sweeter. jesus, please don't allow me to wallow in the nostalgia of memories, but may we leap to see your face all the more, to see your Kingdom reign on this creation. in the vastness of 'I AM', we know nothing of you. may you reveal your heart every day through your church. may we live for the what-next?'s right around the corner.
1/4 left. what will we make of it?
that scares the crap out of me.
what am i going to do? where am i going to go? what is my dad going to say?
i went cycling around campus at midnight tonight, enjoying the stillness, the lights, the wind ruffling my hair. this place means so much to me, more than this blog, or the human voice, could express. God has taken my hand, taken my heart, and done what He wants, most of the time, showing me a life that i didn't realize existed.
this campus brings to life everything in me. it's not the campus itself, it's the tears, the scars, the laughs of a friend: the kind you know have your hand, regardless. the lunches, the all-night shifts at work, the gospel sharing, the sum of a life that was lived without many regrets, at least in this turning of my life.
i still have another year, only the Lord knows what it will bring, and that is a lot of time. in this bittersweet morsel of a memory, i will relish in the times of joy and pain, of exuberance and gut-wrenching tears, of faith and fear. i will live this last year with everything i have, not in the what-if?'s of yesteryear, but in the what-next?'s of now. we have one shot at this, one shot to make it all count, one shot to live this life with full expectation of the life to come. i pray that all of this is a disconnection from this world, for it let's us live for heaven all the more. makes heaven that much sweeter. jesus, please don't allow me to wallow in the nostalgia of memories, but may we leap to see your face all the more, to see your Kingdom reign on this creation. in the vastness of 'I AM', we know nothing of you. may you reveal your heart every day through your church. may we live for the what-next?'s right around the corner.
1/4 left. what will we make of it?
little miss sunshine
i've never quite experienced a movie that makes me laugh, cry and get pissed off all in the same sitting, not like this movie. i've had a long stretch of bad movies, and this was quite the change of winds! the grandpa pissed me off for how spineless he is, the big brother makes me cry because of how much he reminds me of my little brother, matt, and there are plenty of laughs throughout. the soundtrack is to die for, and the editing brought out the most brilliant colors.
Thursday, April 19
out of sight...
...out of mind
don't get me wrong, what happened on monday at VT was absolutely horrific and i never wish this kind of pain and weeping on any family, on any person. facebook has been plastered with groups for remembrance, vigils and prayer meetings have been held, people are hurting and people are responding to that pain. it's amazing to see the unity of this nation when something like this happens, it's a blessing i constantly take for granted. but there is a war going on, there are mass murders every day and yesterday 171 people perished instantly in baghdad by a car full of explosives parked in the center of an intersection. gone. never to see the light of day again. one person even reported seeing a severed head on the roof of a car after the explosion.
why are we not holding prayer meetings and candlelight vigils for them? why aren't we interceding more for them? would we differentiate our sorrow and mourning based on where a person lives or where they are born? let's not forget darfur. let's not forget uganda. china. north korea. venezuela. iraq.
i don't have all the answers, i don't know what to do. but when we let 171 perish without a second thought, without doing something about it, without having a prayer meeting for them, what does that say? are we going to let our ignorant flesh give a passing thought of sorrow then go on our merry way?
i'm not ignorant to what we are trying to do here; i just received a flyer for purchasing a 'stop the war' t-shirt on campus. people do care. i just don't understand why we pay so much attention to stateside issues compared to what is going on across the pond. i just don't understand human nature.
don't get me wrong, what happened on monday at VT was absolutely horrific and i never wish this kind of pain and weeping on any family, on any person. facebook has been plastered with groups for remembrance, vigils and prayer meetings have been held, people are hurting and people are responding to that pain. it's amazing to see the unity of this nation when something like this happens, it's a blessing i constantly take for granted. but there is a war going on, there are mass murders every day and yesterday 171 people perished instantly in baghdad by a car full of explosives parked in the center of an intersection. gone. never to see the light of day again. one person even reported seeing a severed head on the roof of a car after the explosion.
why are we not holding prayer meetings and candlelight vigils for them? why aren't we interceding more for them? would we differentiate our sorrow and mourning based on where a person lives or where they are born? let's not forget darfur. let's not forget uganda. china. north korea. venezuela. iraq.
i don't have all the answers, i don't know what to do. but when we let 171 perish without a second thought, without doing something about it, without having a prayer meeting for them, what does that say? are we going to let our ignorant flesh give a passing thought of sorrow then go on our merry way?
i'm not ignorant to what we are trying to do here; i just received a flyer for purchasing a 'stop the war' t-shirt on campus. people do care. i just don't understand why we pay so much attention to stateside issues compared to what is going on across the pond. i just don't understand human nature.
Tuesday, April 17
bleach
black guys trying to be white.
white guys trying to be black.
it makes me laugh how what we are never seems to be what we can accept.
white guys trying to be black.
it makes me laugh how what we are never seems to be what we can accept.
Tuesday, April 10
cet
the weather here in gainesville has been very european lately.
i love it.
it reminds me of days at my nana's house playing in the garden with the warm green grass between my toes, playing with my little brother or cousins, hearing the distant high-pitched feedback of my nana's hearing aid. wearing goloshes when it's spring time, because i can.
wasn't being a kid the best thing?
why do we remember so little of it?
why can't our brains pack more of those caramel memories into timeless suitcases, airtight?
are we only living a dream?
are these clouds going to fly away?
only if more are to come to keep these suitcases airtight. what i have left at least.
i love it.
it reminds me of days at my nana's house playing in the garden with the warm green grass between my toes, playing with my little brother or cousins, hearing the distant high-pitched feedback of my nana's hearing aid. wearing goloshes when it's spring time, because i can.
wasn't being a kid the best thing?
why do we remember so little of it?
why can't our brains pack more of those caramel memories into timeless suitcases, airtight?
are we only living a dream?
are these clouds going to fly away?
only if more are to come to keep these suitcases airtight. what i have left at least.
Tuesday, March 27
charcoal soul
I'm just not happy anymore. I'm not who I used to be.
At least who I was told I was.
That sounds wrong and unhealthy, but it's not what I meant and I know what I mean. It's just that I've caught myself, over the past weeks, not smiling at all. What is this? Why am I not happy? I have had the most joyous miracle in the universe unraveling in my soul for the past eight years, what is there not to be happy about? I'm alive in Christ for crying out lout! AHH! This just pisses me off that I'm like this.
And all of a sudden this blog sounds like me from freshman year.
And all of a sudden this life sounds like me from freshman year.
The old sins, old habits, are coming back. Old mannerism of unrighteousness.
"This is not me, this is something acting on this body."
There is a Way Of The Master conference I'm attending in Americus, GA with some brothers from other ministries here at UF as well as Samuel from GCL. We are going to plant churches together, I know it. I need God to use this conference, I need Him to do something here because He's the only one that knows what's wrong, the only one who truly knows how completely jacked up I am. It's times like these that I'm so glad that I'm single. Despite the unhappiness, the prospectus of this quarter looks incredible.
This life is cinematic. At least it needs to be.
God, I just want to live this life, I want to lose myself, for You. You've done everything for me, and it seems like this is a two-way street. Help me to get over these selfish fears of preaching, help me to be bold, be a man and do the Right thing. I'm such a boy in my fears, was Noah like this? Was Moses when he saw the multitude of blood thirsty Egyptians hurdling at them on the shore of the Red Sea? It's funny how the most primitive of emotions can be the most destructive at times.
At least who I was told I was.
That sounds wrong and unhealthy, but it's not what I meant and I know what I mean. It's just that I've caught myself, over the past weeks, not smiling at all. What is this? Why am I not happy? I have had the most joyous miracle in the universe unraveling in my soul for the past eight years, what is there not to be happy about? I'm alive in Christ for crying out lout! AHH! This just pisses me off that I'm like this.
And all of a sudden this blog sounds like me from freshman year.
And all of a sudden this life sounds like me from freshman year.
The old sins, old habits, are coming back. Old mannerism of unrighteousness.
"This is not me, this is something acting on this body."
There is a Way Of The Master conference I'm attending in Americus, GA with some brothers from other ministries here at UF as well as Samuel from GCL. We are going to plant churches together, I know it. I need God to use this conference, I need Him to do something here because He's the only one that knows what's wrong, the only one who truly knows how completely jacked up I am. It's times like these that I'm so glad that I'm single. Despite the unhappiness, the prospectus of this quarter looks incredible.
This life is cinematic. At least it needs to be.
God, I just want to live this life, I want to lose myself, for You. You've done everything for me, and it seems like this is a two-way street. Help me to get over these selfish fears of preaching, help me to be bold, be a man and do the Right thing. I'm such a boy in my fears, was Noah like this? Was Moses when he saw the multitude of blood thirsty Egyptians hurdling at them on the shore of the Red Sea? It's funny how the most primitive of emotions can be the most destructive at times.
Thursday, March 8
enough
that's it. i've had enough of the Bible.
what i'm saying is that i'm sick and tired of feeling obligated to catch up in my 'bible-in-a-year' plan. don't get me wrong, i think they are great tools for people to get some discipline in their life. but for me and another one of the guys in my life, it's not working out. technically, i'm still on the readings for february 22nd, and i feel like i can't get in the Word if i'm not going to make an effort to catch up, and i think that's wrong. so i'm going to start in I Kings and read, hopefully every day. there is just something different about not having a schedule, and i'm no less of a christian if i'm not reading the Bible in a year. yeah, it's good, but it's getting too legalistic for me. my God is a person, a relationship, not a formula.
what i'm saying is that i'm sick and tired of feeling obligated to catch up in my 'bible-in-a-year' plan. don't get me wrong, i think they are great tools for people to get some discipline in their life. but for me and another one of the guys in my life, it's not working out. technically, i'm still on the readings for february 22nd, and i feel like i can't get in the Word if i'm not going to make an effort to catch up, and i think that's wrong. so i'm going to start in I Kings and read, hopefully every day. there is just something different about not having a schedule, and i'm no less of a christian if i'm not reading the Bible in a year. yeah, it's good, but it's getting too legalistic for me. my God is a person, a relationship, not a formula.
Thursday, March 1
still once more
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ - Romans 5:1
in light of the previous post, things are definitely changing. almost as soon as i had published that post, i brought up the issue with two of my roommates whom i am very close with and they prayed for me on the spot. didn't feel much different after that nor did my conscious change so i took one last step before i feel asleep.
Corresponding to that, baptism now saves you--not the removal of dirt from the flesh, but an appeal to God for a good conscience--through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who is at the right hand of God, having gone into heaven, after angels and authorities and powers had been subjected to Him. - 1 Peter 3:21,22
i took this verse for real, a verse that came up in teaching prep the other day, and rebuked any spirits of satan in my room out loud in the name of Christ. when i woke up the next morning, i felt so refreshed and encouraged and excited about the Lord it was amazing! later on that day, in my youth development class, we began a discussion on moral acquisition and the classic "there is no absolute truth" statements came out and no one was making any stance for absolute truth, i had to say something!
plus i was wearing a christian t-shirt.
i spoke up, told it how it is, how the Law is written on each of our hearts (should have brought up Romans 1:18, arg!) and said what needed to be said. of course everyone, about forty or so, was against me, verbally, but i did get a pat on the back as we were walking out from a girl that sits behind me. that was encouraging.
i dove into some more richard dawkins today, watched the whole series. it makes me so sad that this man has completely, utterly hardened his heart. as my brother chris has said, "science is his god, he just can't see it" which i completely agree with. but i want to be more and more prepared to defend the faith and i've found a good article on the Resurrection of my good Friend. sometimes i honestly wonder if this is all a deluge, if spirituality is all something humans have contrived in their heads. but i always remember what my mum has said:
i rather live my life as if there was a god and find out there isn't than to live my life as if there wasn't a god and find out there is.
in light of the previous post, things are definitely changing. almost as soon as i had published that post, i brought up the issue with two of my roommates whom i am very close with and they prayed for me on the spot. didn't feel much different after that nor did my conscious change so i took one last step before i feel asleep.
Corresponding to that, baptism now saves you--not the removal of dirt from the flesh, but an appeal to God for a good conscience--through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who is at the right hand of God, having gone into heaven, after angels and authorities and powers had been subjected to Him. - 1 Peter 3:21,22
i took this verse for real, a verse that came up in teaching prep the other day, and rebuked any spirits of satan in my room out loud in the name of Christ. when i woke up the next morning, i felt so refreshed and encouraged and excited about the Lord it was amazing! later on that day, in my youth development class, we began a discussion on moral acquisition and the classic "there is no absolute truth" statements came out and no one was making any stance for absolute truth, i had to say something!
plus i was wearing a christian t-shirt.
i spoke up, told it how it is, how the Law is written on each of our hearts (should have brought up Romans 1:18, arg!) and said what needed to be said. of course everyone, about forty or so, was against me, verbally, but i did get a pat on the back as we were walking out from a girl that sits behind me. that was encouraging.
i dove into some more richard dawkins today, watched the whole series. it makes me so sad that this man has completely, utterly hardened his heart. as my brother chris has said, "science is his god, he just can't see it" which i completely agree with. but i want to be more and more prepared to defend the faith and i've found a good article on the Resurrection of my good Friend. sometimes i honestly wonder if this is all a deluge, if spirituality is all something humans have contrived in their heads. but i always remember what my mum has said:
i rather live my life as if there was a god and find out there isn't than to live my life as if there wasn't a god and find out there is.
Tuesday, February 27
a freefall barometer
we leave for poland in a little over a week. i'm scared.
for the past week, i've been slipping into something not of me, something darker.
i wouldn't call it backsliding in my faith though.
something is holding me down, something is upon me and i don't know if it's me or if it's a demon.
reading my Bible is straight up boring, and i know that's an inappropriate attitude and it needs to be fixed.
there's no point in blogging anymore now, i need to go to bed. i don't care about much, and i might say something stupid. it's happened before.
pray for me.
for the past week, i've been slipping into something not of me, something darker.
i wouldn't call it backsliding in my faith though.
something is holding me down, something is upon me and i don't know if it's me or if it's a demon.
reading my Bible is straight up boring, and i know that's an inappropriate attitude and it needs to be fixed.
there's no point in blogging anymore now, i need to go to bed. i don't care about much, and i might say something stupid. it's happened before.
pray for me.
Tuesday, February 20
when i grow up
what do i want to be? there seems to be so many things popping up in my life, desires of what i would do whether or not i had Christ, regardless of how i am sewn together. some of these are realistic, others, not so much. please don't get me wrong, having Christ is the only thing i truly desire in this life, but lately i've been having these thoughts of what if and here they are to clear my head:
a new york city bicycle messenger (this is a huge, quasi-realistic one)
a tour manager for a recording artist (sigur ros, hello?)
a recording engineer
a monk
amish
an icelandic missionary
celibate
a cross-country runner
a father of gordon-proportions (gordon=epic)
a naval aviator
an mdiv student
a pastor
an effective teacher of the Word
who knows what's going to happen? I AM does, and that's just so dang cool, in a completely chill, 'sippin on cafe bustelo, listening to sigur ros under stars on the roof in a big city' kind of way. you know...
a new york city bicycle messenger (this is a huge, quasi-realistic one)
a tour manager for a recording artist (sigur ros, hello?)
a recording engineer
a monk
amish
an icelandic missionary
celibate
a cross-country runner
a father of gordon-proportions (gordon=epic)
a naval aviator
an mdiv student
a pastor
an effective teacher of the Word
who knows what's going to happen? I AM does, and that's just so dang cool, in a completely chill, 'sippin on cafe bustelo, listening to sigur ros under stars on the roof in a big city' kind of way. you know...
Sunday, February 18
oh the grace!
how great is His love!
blessed be the Lord, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when i was in a besieged city.
psalm 31:21
in this besieged city of my heart, the vast darkness, his steadfast love will never leave, no matter how strong the opposition, how fierce the rain. thank you so much, Jesus, for grabbing my hand as i slide off of this mountain face! oh, how good you are, how could i ever tell you how much i love you? you are too good, too close, too pure for me to ever do you injustice by my lacking vocabulary. even as i betray you for thirty pieces of silver, you still call me friend. how can you? why would you? you have no reason to, but you do every morning when the sun spills into my eyelids.
you call me friend.
you call me friend.
blessed be the Lord, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when i was in a besieged city.
psalm 31:21
in this besieged city of my heart, the vast darkness, his steadfast love will never leave, no matter how strong the opposition, how fierce the rain. thank you so much, Jesus, for grabbing my hand as i slide off of this mountain face! oh, how good you are, how could i ever tell you how much i love you? you are too good, too close, too pure for me to ever do you injustice by my lacking vocabulary. even as i betray you for thirty pieces of silver, you still call me friend. how can you? why would you? you have no reason to, but you do every morning when the sun spills into my eyelids.
you call me friend.
you call me friend.
Wednesday, February 14
more future thoughts
from my urban development textbook:
Indications that city residents are actually happier and better adjusted than their rural counterparts (Fischer, 1973)
question: is happiness relative? for us as Christians, what does this mean if this is true? expansion to come...
Indications that city residents are actually happier and better adjusted than their rural counterparts (Fischer, 1973)
question: is happiness relative? for us as Christians, what does this mean if this is true? expansion to come...
Friday, February 9
iTunes!
oh man, was a blessing the digital music revolution can be at times! in the iTunes essentials playlists, they had a 90's One Hit Wonder set and i lost it! len, the verve, shawn mullins, spindoctors, donna lewis! this is nuts! i am so excited! but it's time for bed, check out that playlist!
Thursday, February 8
idea 2
ok, i need to get this paper done, so i can't write anything now. but i do want to write on solo music acts, the church and unity and how we want to be on our own.
good, good, everythings going as planned....except for this paper!
good, good, everythings going as planned....except for this paper!
a promise
i'm in the norman circa lab, starting this four page literary analysis that is due tomorrow. well, at least the first draft is. in the midst of making something out of nothing, i started to think about my feet.
i like my feet.
as with most things with me, i want to do what is healthy for my body, including wearing proper footwear for the arch support that i need. from about half-way through my summer internship with gcm in tallahassee, i tossed my old sandals due to the malt vinegar/cold egg smell rising from them and i quickly set my eyes on a pair of rainbow's. they are all over campus, everyone has a pair, so i figure there must be something great about these sandals.
i made myself want them.
for christmas my grandparents gave me some money, enough to buy a pair, so i did when i got back to gainesville. and here i sit, a month or so later, looking at my sandals. the same sandals that everyone else has. and you know what?
i don't even care about them.
i don't. i mean, sure they are great to walk in and it's nice to be able to wear them in february, but at the end of the day, i just don't value them. and this is disappointing because my eyes and heart are so pathetic that i expected my soul to be satisfied by something as trivial and temporal as a pair of pop-shoewear. i actually, honestly expected myself to find some amount of redeption in an object that can't even compare to the flesh and blood that was spilt for me. i've tasted the Lord, i have seen His goodness in my life and in others, especially when it comes to raising support for missionary work, and yet, i believed in my heart that this would make me happy. oh the vicious cycle my flesh runs in!
and it makes sense.
it makes sense how we can spend nine billion dollars in one day because it's the best day of the year for sales and deals. it makes sense how americans can buy a new computer every two years because the old one has become 'obsolete' and they are somehow lacking in their value as an american citizen and consumer if they don't have the latest, shiny gadget. the iphone? hello, my heart yearned for that thing. YEARNED! what kind of man am i? reminds me of this verse i found last night:
'surely i was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me' -psalm 51:5
i've never been good, i've never wanted what was right or true or just on my own. oh Lord, how great is the work that You've done in me? i don't think i will ever know.
so i need to get back to this paper, because that glorifies God just as much as anything else. brothers and sisters, please please PLEASE do not let your flesh trick you into believing that the next shirt or the next hard drive or the next Vera Bradley bag will ever fill you, to the slightest extent. not like Christ, not like His grace, not like His blood.
oh simplicity, may i come implore thee?
i like my feet.
as with most things with me, i want to do what is healthy for my body, including wearing proper footwear for the arch support that i need. from about half-way through my summer internship with gcm in tallahassee, i tossed my old sandals due to the malt vinegar/cold egg smell rising from them and i quickly set my eyes on a pair of rainbow's. they are all over campus, everyone has a pair, so i figure there must be something great about these sandals.
i made myself want them.
for christmas my grandparents gave me some money, enough to buy a pair, so i did when i got back to gainesville. and here i sit, a month or so later, looking at my sandals. the same sandals that everyone else has. and you know what?
i don't even care about them.
i don't. i mean, sure they are great to walk in and it's nice to be able to wear them in february, but at the end of the day, i just don't value them. and this is disappointing because my eyes and heart are so pathetic that i expected my soul to be satisfied by something as trivial and temporal as a pair of pop-shoewear. i actually, honestly expected myself to find some amount of redeption in an object that can't even compare to the flesh and blood that was spilt for me. i've tasted the Lord, i have seen His goodness in my life and in others, especially when it comes to raising support for missionary work, and yet, i believed in my heart that this would make me happy. oh the vicious cycle my flesh runs in!
and it makes sense.
it makes sense how we can spend nine billion dollars in one day because it's the best day of the year for sales and deals. it makes sense how americans can buy a new computer every two years because the old one has become 'obsolete' and they are somehow lacking in their value as an american citizen and consumer if they don't have the latest, shiny gadget. the iphone? hello, my heart yearned for that thing. YEARNED! what kind of man am i? reminds me of this verse i found last night:
'surely i was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me' -psalm 51:5
i've never been good, i've never wanted what was right or true or just on my own. oh Lord, how great is the work that You've done in me? i don't think i will ever know.
so i need to get back to this paper, because that glorifies God just as much as anything else. brothers and sisters, please please PLEASE do not let your flesh trick you into believing that the next shirt or the next hard drive or the next Vera Bradley bag will ever fill you, to the slightest extent. not like Christ, not like His grace, not like His blood.
oh simplicity, may i come implore thee?
Tuesday, February 6
making deposits.
i find it funny that age isn't a boundary to or requisite for learning.
i want to learn the big things, but i want to learn the small things, the unnoticeable things.
i'm constantly learning things from the children i babysit in GCL, from 76-year-old women from my home church, and from my brothers on the wall with me here at UF. one brother in particular, Matt Kent, has made a huge impression on me lately, and i didn't even see this coming. last year, his freshman/my sophomore year, we got to know each other from dance parties and a slew of other events the church put on, but we never really clicked. we still haven't.
anyways, over this past summer, matt and a bunch of other gcl'ers went out to a summer leadership training program in colorado where they were challenged to memorize a list of 99 verses. only matt and one other guy took up the challenge. over this past fall semester, i could see a huge change in his character and spirit as he's continued to memorize more and more Scripture. this past week, i was incredibly convicted to start memorizing verses and i love it! it's the last thing i think of when i'm slipping into stillness, and it's the first thing on my mind when i wake up. i actually think i woke up to reciting Psalm 24:3-5!
who will ascend the hill of God?
who shall stand in his holy place?
he who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to what is false, he who does not swear deceitfully. he will receive blessings from the Lord and righteousness from the God of his salvation.
what an exhilarating way to wake up...i hope there are more like it. i don't have an exact plan right now except to memorize one a week from the verse of 99 and at least two verses that stick out to me in my daily readings. Lord, may i hide your Word in my heart that i might not sin against you.
follow the Spirit inside of you. follow the electrical storm.
i want to learn the big things, but i want to learn the small things, the unnoticeable things.
i'm constantly learning things from the children i babysit in GCL, from 76-year-old women from my home church, and from my brothers on the wall with me here at UF. one brother in particular, Matt Kent, has made a huge impression on me lately, and i didn't even see this coming. last year, his freshman/my sophomore year, we got to know each other from dance parties and a slew of other events the church put on, but we never really clicked. we still haven't.
anyways, over this past summer, matt and a bunch of other gcl'ers went out to a summer leadership training program in colorado where they were challenged to memorize a list of 99 verses. only matt and one other guy took up the challenge. over this past fall semester, i could see a huge change in his character and spirit as he's continued to memorize more and more Scripture. this past week, i was incredibly convicted to start memorizing verses and i love it! it's the last thing i think of when i'm slipping into stillness, and it's the first thing on my mind when i wake up. i actually think i woke up to reciting Psalm 24:3-5!
who will ascend the hill of God?
who shall stand in his holy place?
he who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to what is false, he who does not swear deceitfully. he will receive blessings from the Lord and righteousness from the God of his salvation.
what an exhilarating way to wake up...i hope there are more like it. i don't have an exact plan right now except to memorize one a week from the verse of 99 and at least two verses that stick out to me in my daily readings. Lord, may i hide your Word in my heart that i might not sin against you.
follow the Spirit inside of you. follow the electrical storm.
Monday, February 5
missions
Matt W says men aren't doing anything for Christ. In what ways is this visible? 13 girls and one guy in the Overseas Missions track, what does that say? I didn't do it because I'm already in LDP, commitment is already there. Is the percentage of men that are rising to leadership increasing or decreasing? In GCL or The Church? Thoughts to expand on later...
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