to be commissioned.

falling more in love with the pastors at mars hill, i listened to a teaching on our individual callings in this grand scheme of Kingdom work.

this is so not about me, my role in the Kingdom. of course, it does deal with me, but i feel that i am failing to see the picture from a much, much, much larger perspective. do i realized that we're dealing with eternity here? do i understand the breadth of that statement?

of course not.

one thing i never realized was that i am the product of someone else's calling, i am the fruit of His leading. how amazing is that? the Lord led certain people into my mother and my lives and here we are ten years later, soundly saved, full of Grace and Truth. now i have the privilege of discovering that fruit for myself, replicating the cycle over and over again. think about it, you (if you have repented and put faith in Christ) and i are direct descendants of Christ's evangelical effort, His blood flows right through the years to my heart, covering my sin. that surpasses any amount of eloquently scribed words.

so in this season of discerning and waiting for my "commissioning", as it were, not my "calling", a refocusing of my role and position in this Kingdom is required. whether my commissioning be to go with tom short and preach like nobody's business, or start my career with primerica or go to into the navy, i am very, very small in this play. i cannot disrupt His will, it is metaphysically impossible, which is one of the most liberating thoughts. my life has been laid before His throne of grace before the foundations of this world were ever laid, this illusion of choice provides nothing but unnecessary fear.

i am Controlled.


i am Safe.