everything looks different soaked in water.
the trees are a quieter green, the air is a thicker white, the ground undulates more than unusual. and the last part is what gets me. on your average arid day, the sea of concrete is unstrikingly placid, transfiguring between parking lots and interstates. all fades away behind the restlessness of our endless days.
but when it rains, more than precipitation falls from the heavens. this cool peace seems to slow everything down as constrained heat within the sidewalks escape upwards.
life slows down.
we learn to breathe and glance within.
as the puddles begin to accumulate into masses, i realize that this ocean of asphalt isn't so flat anymore as i see a plethora of new ponds everywhere i turn. things aren't what i thought they were. and this is how see myself now, as the proverbial rains of life have filled the cracks within my heart, transforming this seemingly level heart. i can see myself more clearly now, thanks to the rain. assumptions removed, who i am, faults and flaws, comes into view.
thank you, rain.
Sunday, October 7
Saturday, October 6
homeless van newsletter
i wrote this for a class, figured i'd post it here too...
--
This was my first time reading the Home Van Newsletter, and I throughly enjoyed it as it challenged how I view homelessness a little bit more. It's so good to get shaken up and forced to think critically about what you believe, whether it be about God, homelessness or the President.
Arupa brings up an interesting point as she describes this dream that she has where she was comfortable and warm inside her bed, and peering into her windows are the faces of the homeless that she works with, which segues into a discussion of Carl Gustav Jung. Jung wrote about the 'shadow self', a mental construct of everything about ourselves that we don't want to deal with or confront, and how we tend to disassociate ourselves with those whom we see our shadow self in. We reject them, demoralize them, despise them because they represent the 'ugly us'.
I find this fascinating, most probably due to two contrasting views of homelessness I, and maybe most of us, have. On one hand, I see the reaction some people have to homelessness, where they stereotype them into lethargic, hopeless, languid, drunk caricatures. These people tend to seldom offer the helping hand because they see that they are just looking to get by today, and not trying to fix any long-term problems. On the other hand, there are those who faithfully serve at the shelters and homeless councils, who have personal friendships with some of these guys, and truly care for them. I feel that most of us battle with these two conflicting viewpoints, and sometimes the former takes control.
One of the largest hurdles to clear in Gainesville's attempt to defeat homelessness is social acceptability. It seems like everyone loves the idea of organizations and institutions being all philanthropic to help them out, but no one wants it in their back yard. No one wants this one-stop homeless shelter near their home or business, but they want the problem solved. It's always fascinated me that few ever want to be a part of the solution, and I mean in deeper way than giving Chair, Nixon or any other homeless dude $5 so he can go buy "food", which we all know is a lie so they can buy beer. We see the shadow self in some of these homeless, and it scares us. Sure, I think we say that the guy pushing the shopping cart full of trash bags down 2nd Ave is sketch, but what I think is even more scarry is that we see part of ourselves in those needy eyes. We don't consciously realize it, but it's there.
So this may be the reason homelessness hasn't been ameliorated for all these years, because politicians and bureaucrats don't want to admit that they are just like those sleeping under cardboard. 'The Dirty' are just as hopeless, just as angry, just as selfish, just as jealous as the Senator on his private jet coming back from a formal dinner with the President, it's just that the senator has a few more materialistic masks to hide behind. Until we can level with ourselves on this issue of commonality with the socially despised, it seems our driving motivation for a solution to homelessness is derived more from obligation than undefiled compassion. I'm still leveling with myself, I'm no different from the rest.
--
This was my first time reading the Home Van Newsletter, and I throughly enjoyed it as it challenged how I view homelessness a little bit more. It's so good to get shaken up and forced to think critically about what you believe, whether it be about God, homelessness or the President.
Arupa brings up an interesting point as she describes this dream that she has where she was comfortable and warm inside her bed, and peering into her windows are the faces of the homeless that she works with, which segues into a discussion of Carl Gustav Jung. Jung wrote about the 'shadow self', a mental construct of everything about ourselves that we don't want to deal with or confront, and how we tend to disassociate ourselves with those whom we see our shadow self in. We reject them, demoralize them, despise them because they represent the 'ugly us'.
I find this fascinating, most probably due to two contrasting views of homelessness I, and maybe most of us, have. On one hand, I see the reaction some people have to homelessness, where they stereotype them into lethargic, hopeless, languid, drunk caricatures. These people tend to seldom offer the helping hand because they see that they are just looking to get by today, and not trying to fix any long-term problems. On the other hand, there are those who faithfully serve at the shelters and homeless councils, who have personal friendships with some of these guys, and truly care for them. I feel that most of us battle with these two conflicting viewpoints, and sometimes the former takes control.
One of the largest hurdles to clear in Gainesville's attempt to defeat homelessness is social acceptability. It seems like everyone loves the idea of organizations and institutions being all philanthropic to help them out, but no one wants it in their back yard. No one wants this one-stop homeless shelter near their home or business, but they want the problem solved. It's always fascinated me that few ever want to be a part of the solution, and I mean in deeper way than giving Chair, Nixon or any other homeless dude $5 so he can go buy "food", which we all know is a lie so they can buy beer. We see the shadow self in some of these homeless, and it scares us. Sure, I think we say that the guy pushing the shopping cart full of trash bags down 2nd Ave is sketch, but what I think is even more scarry is that we see part of ourselves in those needy eyes. We don't consciously realize it, but it's there.
So this may be the reason homelessness hasn't been ameliorated for all these years, because politicians and bureaucrats don't want to admit that they are just like those sleeping under cardboard. 'The Dirty' are just as hopeless, just as angry, just as selfish, just as jealous as the Senator on his private jet coming back from a formal dinner with the President, it's just that the senator has a few more materialistic masks to hide behind. Until we can level with ourselves on this issue of commonality with the socially despised, it seems our driving motivation for a solution to homelessness is derived more from obligation than undefiled compassion. I'm still leveling with myself, I'm no different from the rest.
Thursday, September 27
economics of liturgy
i have to get this off my chest.
and it's not necessarily directed at anyone in particular.
over fifty percent of church growth is transient. i think it might be even higher than that. migratory. the church isn't growing, it's relocating. and this pisses me off. when did the church of the Almighty God become this disposable, recyclable commodity? why has it become viewed as this dispenser of self-centered wants when we blatantly deny what we can give to His body, His people? granted, there is a time and place for being fed by the church, but that is not its manifest function.
somewhere along the way, this paradigm shift occurred in how we view church, and she's bleeding because of it. i argue that the manifest function of the church is to be the vehicle in which we spill our lives for the One who shed His untainted blood to redeem our adulterous hearts. it doesn't matter if i'm not connecting with the sunday message, for it's the Holy Spirit inside who instructs me in the intangible lessons which my heart so desperately needs.
why are people jumping ship and swimming to the more luxurious vessel with more bells and whistles? why can't people commit? for life? are we that thin-skinned?
i understand this may come off with a caustic tone, but this is a problem, and so many christians are too willing to give up their posts. the church is internally bleeding as we've accepted this unbiblical worldview of selfishness and expendability. i don't even know if that's a real word.
jesus, please help your people. rushing wind, blow through this temple, clearing out the dust within.
and it's not necessarily directed at anyone in particular.
over fifty percent of church growth is transient. i think it might be even higher than that. migratory. the church isn't growing, it's relocating. and this pisses me off. when did the church of the Almighty God become this disposable, recyclable commodity? why has it become viewed as this dispenser of self-centered wants when we blatantly deny what we can give to His body, His people? granted, there is a time and place for being fed by the church, but that is not its manifest function.
somewhere along the way, this paradigm shift occurred in how we view church, and she's bleeding because of it. i argue that the manifest function of the church is to be the vehicle in which we spill our lives for the One who shed His untainted blood to redeem our adulterous hearts. it doesn't matter if i'm not connecting with the sunday message, for it's the Holy Spirit inside who instructs me in the intangible lessons which my heart so desperately needs.
why are people jumping ship and swimming to the more luxurious vessel with more bells and whistles? why can't people commit? for life? are we that thin-skinned?
i understand this may come off with a caustic tone, but this is a problem, and so many christians are too willing to give up their posts. the church is internally bleeding as we've accepted this unbiblical worldview of selfishness and expendability. i don't even know if that's a real word.
jesus, please help your people. rushing wind, blow through this temple, clearing out the dust within.
Tuesday, September 18
confounded, constrained.
"and now, behold, i am going to jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me." -acts 20:22-23
this is EXACTLY how i feel!
well, almost. minus that imprisonment part.
the leaves are turning, glowing again as this new season of faith unveils itself. the Spirit has constrained me, making these next few steps very clear. staff makes so much sense now, realizing the opportunities opening through these means. "david, you don't do staff because you want to be on staff. you go on staff as a means to an end, as a launch pad to something greater." -frank liu. i can preach constantly, i can raise up more men as real men of faith (not to say that i'm anything amazing myself), i can serve the church more, i can coach homegroups, i can home-school my kids, i can move anywhere the Spirit constrains me, i can be completely free for His use. eleven years ago, when i was Regenerated, i would have never, ever thought that i would be a full-time missionary. this does not come without some fears, genuine ones, of what-if's, but the Spirit is stirring, the embers of devotion are swelling with light, the fjord is about to break. i want to be here when it happens.
this temporary departure frightens me too.
alas, "many are the plans in the mind of man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." -proverbs 19:21
"but i do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only i may finish my course and the ministry that i received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." -acts 20:24
oh, how earnestly i yearn to assimilate this more fully. i want this to settle deeper, in the hidden corners of my heart. dad, please help me take you at your word all the more, please. if only my faith were the size of a mustard seed, what would happen? what would be different? continue to regenerate this doubtful heart, help me to see this new being you say i am more clearly. remove this faux box that you're in in my mind, help me to see you for who you really are. there is no one else for me, none but jesus, crucified to set me free. so shall it be.
this is EXACTLY how i feel!
well, almost. minus that imprisonment part.
the leaves are turning, glowing again as this new season of faith unveils itself. the Spirit has constrained me, making these next few steps very clear. staff makes so much sense now, realizing the opportunities opening through these means. "david, you don't do staff because you want to be on staff. you go on staff as a means to an end, as a launch pad to something greater." -frank liu. i can preach constantly, i can raise up more men as real men of faith (not to say that i'm anything amazing myself), i can serve the church more, i can coach homegroups, i can home-school my kids, i can move anywhere the Spirit constrains me, i can be completely free for His use. eleven years ago, when i was Regenerated, i would have never, ever thought that i would be a full-time missionary. this does not come without some fears, genuine ones, of what-if's, but the Spirit is stirring, the embers of devotion are swelling with light, the fjord is about to break. i want to be here when it happens.
this temporary departure frightens me too.
alas, "many are the plans in the mind of man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." -proverbs 19:21
"but i do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only i may finish my course and the ministry that i received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." -acts 20:24
oh, how earnestly i yearn to assimilate this more fully. i want this to settle deeper, in the hidden corners of my heart. dad, please help me take you at your word all the more, please. if only my faith were the size of a mustard seed, what would happen? what would be different? continue to regenerate this doubtful heart, help me to see this new being you say i am more clearly. remove this faux box that you're in in my mind, help me to see you for who you really are. there is no one else for me, none but jesus, crucified to set me free. so shall it be.
Tuesday, August 28
in season & out
i'm sick of being disobedient.
i was disobedient last spring.
i was disobedient in poznan.
it's not going to happen anymore.
some how, i convince myself that 'good' is acceptable, when He's offering the 'best'. it's right there, in the middle of His table, the offer prime. yet i shrink back, and limit myself and completely sell myself short.
i am regenerated.
so as He urges me to preach on campus, i would be a fool to deny the opportunity.
not to mention that i HAVE to do this, look at this verse:
"so you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'we are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.'" -luke 17:10
i am doulos.
i have to preach, i have to proclaim, i have to realize how temporal our ivory bones are. Holy Spirit whacked me over the head with this verse the other day, and it's been on the forefront of my mind ever since. He doesn't owe me one single thing, not a wife, children, a career or the next breath in my lungs, for I am eternally indebted to my Father for stepping in between His justice and His wrath for me. how amazing is that! i mean, here i am, this puny college kid who frequently fails to take his Father at His word, who choses the good things of this world, when i can eternally explore and worship the very One who stitched me together.
i am raggedy andy.
sew me up, all the more. rips and tears, stuffing gone and buttons not there, take me as i am.
i am covered in unapproachable light.
i was disobedient last spring.
i was disobedient in poznan.
it's not going to happen anymore.
some how, i convince myself that 'good' is acceptable, when He's offering the 'best'. it's right there, in the middle of His table, the offer prime. yet i shrink back, and limit myself and completely sell myself short.
i am regenerated.
so as He urges me to preach on campus, i would be a fool to deny the opportunity.
not to mention that i HAVE to do this, look at this verse:
"so you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'we are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.'" -luke 17:10
i am doulos.
i have to preach, i have to proclaim, i have to realize how temporal our ivory bones are. Holy Spirit whacked me over the head with this verse the other day, and it's been on the forefront of my mind ever since. He doesn't owe me one single thing, not a wife, children, a career or the next breath in my lungs, for I am eternally indebted to my Father for stepping in between His justice and His wrath for me. how amazing is that! i mean, here i am, this puny college kid who frequently fails to take his Father at His word, who choses the good things of this world, when i can eternally explore and worship the very One who stitched me together.
i am raggedy andy.
sew me up, all the more. rips and tears, stuffing gone and buttons not there, take me as i am.
i am covered in unapproachable light.
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