brain blood mesh filter?

OK, just had this thought, which is an important one for me. I'm at work, and I'm listening to my favorite Charlie Hall song, "Your Glory Endures Forever". It's really hard for me to describe this block that I have, this wall that is in my heart. I have yet to sucessfully describe it to someone, no matter how hard I try. There is something in my heart, or maybe my spirit, that is stopping from experiencing the full joy of Christ. No, I don't mean my sin/being here on Earth and not in Heaven, but there is something that is stopping me from living my life out Psalm 111 style. I try to praise God will all that I have, and I feel that I fall short or that something (Satan?) is stopping me. If you know me, you know that whether or not the iPod is on, I always have a song in my head...it's just the way God made me. Lately, that song has been Desperation Band's "Amazed", and I keep singing the chorus over and over again in my heart and head all day long. This is what I just realized: That when I sing that song from my heart, with no song or worship leader in front of me, that is when I feel like I am fufilling Psalm 111:1. So it seems to me that "Your Glory Endures Forever" is dampened from the time it leaves the speaker cones on the headphones to when it goes through my ears and into my head, like somehow Satan is stopping it from meaning more to me than it possibly can.

Satan knows what is going to happen, he knows that he is going to lose and there is no gain for him in all that he does. So I wonder if he knows God's plans for our lives and he is trying to stop those. If he knows that I want to be a pastor of a church, it makes sense that he would try to slow me down, drag his heels into my life plans. This feeling of the wall (i call it 'The Vague') isn't anything new, it's been here for almost 1 year. I first got it when I was driving in Ft. Lauderdale the week before Summer A started, and I freaked (froked?) out. But the Lord, in His amazing patience, has helped me deal with that feeling, as it ebbs and flows in my life. It swells up when I'm about to start support raising for the day, but if I get busy and don't slow down to think about it, I can overcome it.

So this is all starting to make sense, that Satan could be putting this damper on my heart, which affects all areas of my life: my time with God, my leadership in the church, my relationships with my family and friends, with my finances, with the desire to work out, everything. But I can work through it now, the Lord has definately helepd me be strong enough to survive with this on my back. I'm flying with an elephant on my back, but somehow now it feels as light as a feather. Must be the weather, in December, like a genner. Is genner a real word? It does for the sake of rhyming. 2...4...6...8...12...no BAKERS DOZEN!!!!!!!!!!